Depression and Discouragement

I have been thinking a lot about these two things lately. I realized today that my blog is a reflection of my personal progress in these areas. When I am depressed or discouraged I do not record any of my feelings. When I am on one of my manic highs, I record thoughts and inspirations. I probably need to be writing more during the low times, but who wants to read that junk anyway?!

I truly know the secrets to life are easy: eat a raw, vegan diet, get out in the sunshine every day, get some exercise every day, take time to meditate / pray / ponder every day, and surround ourselves with loving, positive people.

Could someone please tell me why living that way is so darned hard? I am convinced there are powers that be that do not want me to be successful. Or maybe I am just my own worst enemy. I am so tired of negative energy. I am getting too old to keep moving in the opposite direction.

An observation I made when I was into my juice feast a couple of weeks was that I was actually going in the opposite direction of my age. Although my timeline was continuing in the positive direction, my body health was in a better place than it had ever been even when I was very young (since my younger years were not filled with very much healthful living). When I am not living healthfully, my body seems to drive itself very strongly into the aging arena while healthful living moves just as powerfully in the opposite direction.

I have been reading about positive self-talk and so forth. I do not think my brain is capable of this. Maybe it is, but I have not been able to do it. I think I am too full of the opposite kind.

I am very discouraged and depressed about some personal issues in my life that are proving to be very counter-productive in my physical life. I do not know how to overcome these things so that they are not personally destructive. For the first time in my life, I am actually considering counseling although I have never seen this to have a positive influence in anyone's life. I also need something that will work a little faster than the years and years therapy takes.

If it sounds like I am drawing at straws, I would say that is an accurate depiction of my state of mind right now. I feel like I need to somehow get centered to gather my positive energy. I am very discouraged right now as I do not see how the personal issues will be resolved except by some major miracles. I'm not even believing that miracles are possible right now in these circumstances. Somehow I must learn to get control of myself even if the outside influences are NOT right and have no hope of being right. Perhaps I need to be more grateful for the things that are good.