Attitude of Gratitude

Wasn't able to post a blog yesterday about Thanksgiving as it was a bittersweet day for me. It was the first Thanksgiving since our sons went on missions that we did not spend time together. Last year was a little off as well and signaled the beginning of the end, but I did not see it then.

I could not write about my feelings then, but this morning in my LDS gems there was a great quote from Elder Eyring that put it all in perspective:

“I am at a stage in my life when, because of great distances, I cannot come to know well grandchildren and, in time, great-grandchildren. There are also people who have never had the opportunity for marriage and parenthood who have the same yearning as I do to somehow be close to family. Because of the restoration of the knowledge of eternal families, we are more hopeful and more kindly in all our family relations. The greatest joys in this life center in families, as they will in the worlds to come. I am so grateful for the assurance I have that if we are faithful, the same sociality which we enjoy here in this life will be forever with us in the world to come, in eternal glory (see D&C 130:2).”

Henry B. Eyring, “The True and Living Church,” Ensign, May 2008, 22

Although his inability to see his extended family is due to geographical distances and mine is an emotional void, the yearnings are the same. An emotional gap is difficult because all communication is cut off. While our sons were on missions, we greatly enjoyed our biyearly phone calls and weekly (?) letters. We no longer enjoy that luxury. We still are hopeful as we know that in the next life all will become clear. There will not be the misunderstandings that exist in this life nor the mistrust. If I am faithful, all that the Father has will be mine. I don't really want His, I only long for mine, or what I perceive to be mine.

I really don't want to wallow in this, but it is a source of great pain. I suppose it is a good thing to at least address it especially in a journal kind of way. I think that pain is something we are supposed to experience however unpleasant it might be as it adds to our experience we are supposed to gain here on the earth. How can we expect to inherit eternal life if we have not felt the rejection of those we love? Jesus Christ certainly has been reviled by those He loved; should we expect to get through this life without this? Apparently not.

That being said, I cannot help but feel extremely grateful for what I have which includes wonderful memories with those I can no longer have contact. I have been a most blessed mother in Zion. I have 3 wonderful sons, and they have wonderful wives. What children have been born have been incredible, each in their own unique way. My husband is an incredible man who keeps his talents and spirituality well hidden from the world.

In saying I am thankful for the wives, I have to add the thought that I have been feeling grateful for Bonnie lately even though she and Dorian are getting a divorce. I went through a time when I was not so grateful, but I realize now that was foolish. She and Dorian produced 2 wonderful children that would not be in our family if they had not been together. While a divorced situation is not what we would have chosen for them, this world has a way of beating young couples up. Unfortunately, they have definately been a victim of this. As we are now given the opportunity to share our life with Wyatt, their son, we can only hope to stop the carnage, or at least alleviate it. I'm sure Darius and Alicia feel the same way about Angelina. I am grateful she is there as it helps me share in her life in a way I had not have been able to before.

My love for little Brooklyn is limited to my visions from afar. Maybe that is how our Heavenly Father feels when we move far away from Him. He is not able to enjoy daily communication with those who do not wish to communicate with him. I'm sure He sneaks a glimpse whenever He can. Just as there are children that don't even know about Him, she will not know us. I wonder at His patience and understanding.

I really intended this post to be about Thanksgiving. We celebrated with my mother on Monday with an apple harvest celebration, but the actual day of TG we spent at Sombrero Beach in Marathon, Florida. It was a beautiful place and we saw an amazing number of sea creatures there. Sombrero Beach serves as an estuary for the Florida Bay which means it is a nursery for the wildlife that lives in the larger bodies of water. We saw a baby sea urchin that was only an 1/8 inch wide as well as baby sand dollars! There were thousands of baby hermit crabs, but the find of day was by Angelina: a giant hermit crab. He would have easily been a foot long if we had pulled him from his shell. He looked like a Maine lobster! I have never seen one so big. He scared her to death! I'm sure Darius will post some pictures on his blog. We also saw a colony of the conchs that are the original mollusk to inhabit the hermit crab shell before they are eaten by the urchins. It was a great environmental study although I'm sure the kids did not fully appreciate that aspect of our discoveries.

One cannot be in a place like this without thinking of how blessed we are to live on the earth. He has truly given us everything we need to be happy if we could only see that and appreciate it. I hope this Thanksgiving will help me to remember to always count my blessings and truly develop an attitude of gratitude.

Ode to Dorian

A tradition I started a number of years ago was recording a journal entry about each of my children on their birthdays. I haven't done it as consistently as I should ... in fact, that is the bane of my existence: consistency. I have not done anything as consistently as I should, except to be consistent with inconsistence, of course.

Anyway, I've been thinking for a week about Dorian's birthday. He is 35 today. He has had some rough times, and this year may fall into the memory banks as one of those, I think. I'm not really sure how he is perceiving it, but maybe someday we will be able to talk about it.

35 years ago, he was born in a hospital in Plantation, Florida. He was a month late, so he weighed 9 lbs. 3 oz. He was always a tall, skinny kid until we moved to our present home in rural Northeast Florida. Because he was used to the city life, he was a little intimidated by living in an area where there were no neighbors and no where to go, so he spent a lot of time at home. He had little interest in the outside activities the rest of us did with the landscaping and gardening and animal husbandry.

Dorian was a beautiful baby with the blondest hair you have ever seen in your life. He didn't have any brothers until he was 8 years old, and he always hated that he didn't have any siblings closer to his own age. I don't think he ever felt like he fit into his family. This is odd as I have always felt that way about my family. I am unlike any of my sisters. I thought I had been hatched or something. I think he feels more estranged now than ever, and this makes me very sad. I really love him so much, but I don't know how to relate to him in the situations he is in presently.

Loving our children is a very peculiar thing. We can love our children, and yet, this does not mean we always understand them. I have found that unconditional love is a gift given to me as a mother for which I am eternally grateful.

One thing a lot of people don't know about Dorian is how smart he is. As a 3 year, he was reading on a 3rd and 4th grade level. He has always been advanced, but this poses its own set of problems. We soon found that home school was the only way to keep up with his rapidly developing aptitude. He was horribly bored while in any classroom setting. We credit Dorian with teaching us about the wonders of home school. He taught us to value it as a superior form of education for anyone who wants the best for their children. When I first began homeschooling someone told me that no teacher could care about my child as much as his parents, and he taught us how true this statement is.

My greatest memory of his early childhood education was a teacher who told me she could not put Dorian in the time out room because all of the children wanted to be in there with him, and she could not maintain control of her classroom. Another memory I have was once when he was home with a little cold, he asked me if he could learn to write cursive...he was in kindergarten! That was when I realized he would never get to learn at his own pace in any other setting besides at home.

I don't think he ever really liked home schooling, unfortunately. I don't know if we would consider it a success with him or not as he always missed interaction with his peers. It was that same desire for socialization that got him in trouble while he was at school, so in retrospect, I still don't know what the best solution would have been. All I know is that we felt inspired to pull him out of government school, so I don't regret the decision. Since we were directed through revelation to do it the way we did, all I can suppose is that the alternative would not have been good for him. Maybe one day, all the unhappinesses he feels about his childhood will come into a different perspective. I hope so.

I love you, Dorian. I always have and always will. I'm sorry you see my actions as unloving. I can't change how you perceive us. All I can tell you is that I have spent most of my adult life trying to do things that would help you to be happy. May you find what will lead you to happiness and peace and joy.

Blogging: the new Sitcom

I've been thinking a lot about how exposed we are with this blogging thing. I'm wondering how we will see it years down the road. There are perhaps two ways to look at it: my first thought is that no one really reads them anyway, and the more people post, the less read any individual blog will be. Secondly, if everyone is putting it out there, we won't be so shocked by the individual defeats people post.

It's kind of like the wave of sitcoms that became popular in the 50's. They remain popular today because people can relate to them. Blogging fills this perhaps better than TV as it is people we know or can get to know. They are real people.

It seems like whenever I am thinking about something, I read a blog about it somewhere else. This time it was Steve Pavlina's again:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/11/share-your-shame/

He talks about how as we "share our shame" in a public blog we are getting rid of the burden. As it is lifted from our soul, we can move on. True confessions as it were.

I have always been cautious when journaling not to include things of a "negative" nature, not because I feared what my progenitors would think should they ever read it, but as a precaution if they did. I didn't want to bring them down in some of my worst case scenarios. But, like the sitcoms of the 50's, everything is not rosy. Somehow, we can identify more with people's trials than their triumphs. I guess the triumphs are easy; it is the trials that get our attention.

As I was reading daughter-in-law blogs today (thank you both, by the way), I was thinking what a blessing this would be to their children someday. I think my children have seen my life as too easy as I kept my trials to myself. This was possibly a disservice to them as they assumed their life would be as easy as they saw mine to be.

Well, I'm here now to tell ya, it ain't easy. Hardly any day is easy. Every once in a while, maybe, but not usually. There, now I've said it. I will try to "share my shame" more on my blog and in my journaling as I learn to let go of my failures.

That being said, it is not an easy thing for me. I'll try harder tomorrow...

A Little Bit Here, A Little Bit There, It All Adds Up...

I was listening to someone talk about cleaning out their space, and I was thinking how much decluttering our homes relates to decluttering our minds and our bodies. I have been hearing a lot about this lately, so it must be on everyone's mind. One poster went so far as to say if one is living in a cluttered environment, they can't possibly be making progress on decluttering their bodies or minds. That seems a little judgemental because one of the big factors in decluttering is how much space one has available. Some really do not have room for the necessities, but then again, maybe we just need to prioritize.

What I have learned from watching Roger go through this process (in watching him, I realized I did the same thing, but I couldn't see it in myself until I saw him) is that just as our bodies get rid of the waste by what I call shelves, we do the same with other decluttering that needs to be done. Example? ok.

We decided a couple of weeks ago to clean out our closet that had not been cleaned since we moved here. There were things put there when we first moved in and never looked at again. Then we just kept stuffing more and more things on top until we could barely get in there to get our clothes.

First, we just emptied everything out. It all started because we were getting rid of clothes we had undergrown in our 75 pound weight losses. Some of the obviously large clothes we had already gotten rid of, but there were some clothes to which we had emotional attachments. Imagine having emotional attachments to a piece of fabric! It seems strange to even say it.

As we started going through the piles in the closet, some things were so ridiculous to even think about saving that we laughingly threw it out or put it in the pile to sell at the flea market or donate to Goodwill. Other things, we actually had to think about. Remember, we did not even remember this stuff was there...how could we possibly need to KEEP IT? Some things had memories attached to it that caused us to shed a tear or two. I became aware of how many memories are attached to THINGS...

As we sorted, most of the stuff could be disposed of, but of the things we decided to keep, I saw an interesting pattern: emotional possessions. Part of the healing process we are going through in the raw vegan diet is very much emotional. We have learned that much (most, all, not sure what %) of the food we ate prior to starting the raw vegan diet was eaten for the emotional support it gave us. When I say emotional support, I'm thinking that's not such a good word for it. It served more as an emotional suppressor. Feeling sad, lonely, tired, depressed, angry, worried: have a bowl of chocolate pudding (or a piece of pizza, or .. well you get the picture). Since I no longer have those options available to me, it has become glaringly obvious that most of these foods with their addictive qualities serve the same function as alcohol does for the alcoholic and pot, cocaine, heroine, crack for the drug addict.

I read a story about a woman last night that had given up sugar for two weeks when someone came to her door at Christmas time with a box of chocolates for her. She knew if she ate them that she would have to start over in her attempt to get rid of the substance in her system, so she tossed it high in the attic where she wouldn't be able to get at it. (She had just had hip surgery and couldn't climb the stairs very well.) The longer it was in the house, the more she started thinking about how good they would taste, so finally she crawled up the stairs to get at it. It wasn't until she actually reached the top of the stairs in tremendous pain from the effort that she realized how foolish this was and how addicted she was to the substance. She didn't eat the chocolates by the way because this recognition got her through it.

Some would say, "So, what's the big deal? Just eat the stuff, and move on." I have found it is not that easy. Just as a drug addict won't get well by taking another hit, a food addict won't get better with another twinkie.

I realize a lot of people don't see the foods I no longer eat as addictive. It won't be long when one is without them that it will be realized. Healthful foods are never addictive. We may know that they are healthy and that we really want a salad today or some fresh juice, but there is a difference between knowing what we NEED to eat and desparately WANTING something. This is a good way to find out how addictive a substance is: go without it for a week, and see how desparate you are to have it.

In conducting this experiment, one must isolate the whole category. For example, you can't say, "Well, see, I gave up parmesan cheese this week, and I didn't have a negative symptom at all," when you continued to eat other dairy products. In fact, with a food addiction, the mind is very clever about substitutes. Any dairy product will feed a dairy addiction, any bread product a wheat addiction, any processed sugar a sweets addiction. I imagine alcoholics would go through this as well: any alcohol will do when the alcohol of choice is not available. My father was in detox in the hospital once for his alcoholism and begged for 8 oz. Hershey bars (which he normally never ate). This helped me make the connection between alcoholism and sugar addiction.

Well, I intended to write about decluttering our living spaces, and this may seem unrelated. In fact, since I have given up addictive foods, decluttering other aspects of my life has been complicated by the emotional addiction I have to things, memories, stuff in general. I have been really surprised by this. But the good news is, that as I peel off layers inside my body, I am able to peel off layers around my body including negative emotions, relationships, excess baggage. This is a wonderful side benefit. As I hit each new shelf internally, I can see how difficult it is by how difficult the external shelves are to clean. It is amazing how hand and hand they go.

As we enter this new phase of our lives via grandchildren living with us, we are able to apply these principles. I can already see where their emotional attachments are. I can see more clearly why the scriptures tell us we have to put these things behind us if we are to truly follow Him.

Just Give It to Me Straight...

Welcome to another edition of "If you write it, they will read it!" I didn't write yesterday as it was one of those totally overwhelming days. I'm still in this state today, but wanted to record some things before I forget them.

Yesterday, Roger and I decided to ask Dorian if he would like us to take Wyatt to raise due to a lot of problems he has been having with him. These are not behavior issues really, although the problems with behavior are significant. Apparently there are mental health issues at play, and he has spent 13 days at a mental health facility where no real answers have been found. Darius and Alicia have agreed to take Angelina, our other grandchild, Wyatt's sister. Apparently someone reported Dorian to DCF and investigators want the children out of his home.

I do not understand any of this. How does this happen to a family? to our family? I wish I could understand that part of it better. I have been praying and praying for help to understand, but understanding does not come. Fortunately though, we do receive revelation for the other aspects like what we need to do and how we should do it.

We are not sure what is going on. Everything is so strange with Roger's brother in Fort Lauderdale, and now this with Dorian, that it feels as though everything in our world is falling apart. There is still a strange sense of calm though. Normally I would be totally freaked out, and I am not. Neither is Roger, and that is even more unusual. I am positive that our dietary choices are helping us get through this, and I'm sure the Spirit knows this would have been a requirement for helping us do what needed to be done.

Angelina is with us this weekend also, but she is having a bit of a detox this morning as she adjusts to life without the processed food she is used to at school breakfast and lunch lines. I know it won't last long, but I feel badly for her. She loves all the fruits and vegetables; she ate a whole tomato for dinner last night along with celery sticks, carrot sticks, cucumber spears, sprouted wheat crackers, and sunflower seed dip. She was a very happy camper. Wyatt tolerates it, not loving it, but eating only it only to survive. They both had a great time using the different dinner components to make faces and animals on their plates. The crackers, broken in half, made great kitty and puppy dog ears. I should have taken a picture! I'll try to remember next time, and then I'll stick it in as an edit.

We had lemonade for breakfast, and I was going to fix Angelina a fruit salad, but she was feeling poorly. She has slept all day, and it is now after 1:00 in the afternoon. Wyatt and Roger went to the flea market as we have been doing a lot of cleaning out and have tons of stuff to get rid of. (Another benefit of eating only living foods is the desire to simplify your lifestyle getting the junk out of your life just like getting rid of the junk in your body. As the body clears the garbage out, so must the junk in your life and your mind.) He is not having detox to my knowledge, but he has been at the hospital for over a week. Maybe they have been giving them more natural foods as they know how sensitive most kids are to chemicals and such. I hope they can make the adjustment to our lifestyles.

I wanted to give a heads up to a post by Steve Pavlina, one of my favorite bloggers. He is doing a juice feast as I've previously blogged about, so I've been following his progress with interest. I wanted to document this post as it has a great part in it about comparing live fooders vs cooked fooders with being color blind. Here is the link, if you're interested.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/11/juice-feasting-day-13/

By the way, day 14 has an interesting post about social activities WITHOUT food. This was equally inspiring for me as I have been thinking about this a lot. So much of our social lives revolve around food. As a member of a church that does not believe in drinking or socializing in the traditional ways, food activities are VERY important. It is hard to think of a church activitity that does NOT revolve around food. So, naturally, this has been on my mind a lot for Roger and I as a couple. Going out to dinner is not as enjoyable an activity as it has been previously. We have been thinking of other activities we enjoy. We have been married 36 years; it is hard to change old habits! We are enjoying our new found activities much more than we ever enjoyed eating out, especially since there was always a down side to the restaurant meals. We are still evolving in this respect, and now that our family dynamic is changing, I'm sure it will change even more!

Synchronicity

We just got done with our first week working solo. It has been a long time since we've done this. It was not without a few hiccups obviously, but Roger and I have always worked well together amazingly enough. Most people can't even figure out how we got married no less work together.

I wonder that myself sometimes. I think about how people get hooked up all the time. It really is quite an amazing phenomena if you put some thought into it. I know it has to be God that puts us together because most couples are very unlikely candidates when it comes to finding each other. Circumstances under which people meet are usually odd, and what are the odds that they would then be attracted to each other? It really is strange.

I've been reading about syncronicity lately. This is what a lot of people call "coincidences". I have never believed in them, but I do believe in syncronicity. I actually had to look that word up on wikipedia the first time I read it. I couldn't figure out what it meant from the context of what I was reading. Here is that website with the definition (just in case you were wondering):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity

Now, to put that in my own words, synchronicity is when all the powers that be are working together for one cause. It is interesting that it cannot be caused by your actions (making it a consequence). For example, I have been thinking about yoga for about 6 months now, maybe longer. I have spent a lot of years being inactive and have lost alot of my agility. I was wondering if yoga might help me get some of that back. I was thinking of it kind of casually at first, and then about a week ago, I started thinking of it seriously. Last night I met a young woman who teaches yoga, and I expressed some of my concerns to her. She felt like yoga would really help me, and she gave me the phone number of a studio where I could find some good teachers.

A causal effect would have been me picking up a phone book or googling for a yoga studio and then finding one. Synchronicity is me "thinking" about it really hard and having someone come into my life that is able to resolve my concerns and give me some advice.

How is that not a coincidence? A coincidence would be considered related in some way. To quote wikipedia: "Events that happen which appear at first to be coincidence but are later found to be causally related are termed as 'incoincident'".

That this is a scientific phenomena is extremely fascinating to me. To believe it is scientific, one must acknowledge that there are other powers that be which are greater than we ourselves. I attended a goal setting class once where the teacher said if we write down our goals we are more likely to achieve them because there are folks beyond the veil wanting to help us accomplish the desires of our hearts.

If these postulates are correct, there really is no limit to what we can accomplish if we would but realize the potential to which we could aspire. The only limit to what we can do is US!

According to Lewis Carroll in Through the Looking Glass, "It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards". What if we could remember forwards?

Looking for the Little Miracles

I find it pretty amazing that when I make the attempt to write an entry, there is always something that comes out. On the other hand, when I contemplate making an entry, I can't think of a single worthwhile thing to say. I guess it goes back to the "If you build it, they will come theory". If I make the effort to write, things come out of my brain that I didn't even know were there.

That being said, I really can't think of anything. I had an interesting experience with my seminary lesson this morning. I normally know where the lesson is going to go. As I planned the lesson, I had a general idea. Every once in a while, it goes a completely different direction, and today was one of those days.

We were doing the lesson from Luke where Jesus teaches the parable of the rich man and the beggar named (coincidently his best friend's name) Lazarus. When teaching this, the discussion always comes up about rich versus poor, and how rich people have a harder time being righteous. I was trying to take it in a different direction based on how we are supposed to teach a principle of the gospel: in this case, the atonement. (We have this list that goes over the gospel principles in every scripture block from the gospels. We have a list of 12 gospel principles that we are supposed to teach including: Godhead, commandments, covenants, apostasy & restoration, etc.)

As I've looked at the list, I sometimes have a hard time envisioning how that particular block relates to the chosen principle. Usually when I think about it, I can figure it out. This was NOT one of those cases. What did a rich man going to hell, and a poor man going to heaven have to do with the atonement? In my notes I made for teaching the lesson I had that maybe the rich man could have chosen during his life to apply the atonement, and the poor man's burdens were surely lifted by his application of this.

Well, that's not what happened. The Spirit totally blew that out of the water. We ended up with a discussion of how the Atonement makes us all equal. We all have the opportunity to partake of it. We talked about how these students are being blessed by the gospel in their lives, and they all have family members who want nothing to do with it. Nonetheless, they are being given the opportunity even if they reject it. We all have ancestors who were not given the chance while alive for whom we are doing baptisms for the dead. The Atonement truly makes us equal when it is all said and done.

My point in bringing this up is how cool it is that the Spirit cares enough about what we are doing to speak up and tell us how it should go. We seem like such an unimportant group; why bother? It builds my testimony in how important each of Father's children are to Him.

I am grateful for the ways in which my calling helps me to grow. I never progress as much as I do when I am teaching. I am grateful to be a member of a church that requires a lay ministry. When I belonged to other churches with paid ministry, I never experienced this kind of growth. I know this is one of the marks of the true church on the earth today; no church with a paid ministry can be the Lord's Church. (As a side note, I like how Nephi defines "paid ministry"; he calls it "priestcraft". Seems a little harsh, does it? Think about it!)

What a Beautiful Earth We Have

There really is nothing much going on. I feel as though I should write so that I can get in the habit of it. There was a lesson in Relief Society yesterday on doing more regular record keeping. The point was made that although it may seem mundane to us, it may not be that way to others that read it after us.

There is so much talk these days about a crash. I think people are more frightened now than they were in 1999 just before the year changed over. There was a lot of talk then about everything failing, but it didn't happen. It does seem to be happening now. When Wall Street is affected, that is when we know we are in a little bit of a spot.

Now is the time when we can look back and wonder if we have done everything we could to be prepared. We think of all the warnings we had to not get into debt, but we thought surely we will have time to dig ourselves out before times get really bad.

I am wondering who it affects the worst. I think the really wealthy get the worst end of it. The poor just keep surviving as they have always done; things aren't really that different for them.

I'm not sure where I fit into that picture. How would I fare if there was no money to be had? Well, I wouldn't be able to pay car payments. I don't think that would bother me too awful much. If I was never able to leave my home, I don't think I'd be too bad off. Not as much fun, but then, you can't really say that. Without work, there would be more time to do the things we really want to do at home but don't have the time for.

Probably we would have to redefine "fun". We've gotten that way stretched out. Maybe we should look at it as enjoyment more than fun. There are a lot of things that are very enjoyable that might not have the label of fun.

Like sitting outside on a cool fall evening watching the sunset...
Walking through the garden discovering how many sweet potatoes are buried under the vines...
Taking a walk with your granddaughter as she points out all her friends - the beautiful flowers she likes so much...
Helping your grandson take pictures, even if they aren't of anything spectacular...
Like having your students tell you that was the best lesson ever...
Like having a graduated student call you to tell you she found the best job ever...
Like biting into a big, juicy tomato...
Rubbing each other's backs and feet...
Playing a rousing game of Canasta or Scrabble or Boggle...
Relaxing at the baseball park watching a grand slam from one of your favorite players...
Watching one of your loved ones eat something you've made and really enjoy it...
Knitting and watching the fabric grow on your needles...
Discovering a butterfly chrysalis...
Watching the waves and discovering a porpoise in the horizon...
Cutting open a perfect avocado...
Tasting the first fruit of the season (every season!)...
Starfish...
Rain falling softly...

As I think about it, the few things that disrupt our earthly utopia are such a small part of our world, I wonder why we give them so much credence. The earth is a wonderful place. Whatever the evil powers that be have planned, we will weather it somehow.

Ants

I put my blogspot on my homepage so I would remember to update it more often. Come to find out it is not the forgetting it that keeps me from posting - it is not having the time to put into it what I want. I have loads of pictures I want to upload right now, and because I don't have time, I put off updating. Seems kind of stupid in a way. The object is not necessarily to entertain anyone - the object is to keep a record of what is going on. Two week entries are not going to cut it.

Since my last entry a lot has happened. Some very negative things are in our lives right now, and we are having a hard time dealing with them on a superficial level, but not on an internal level; it is kind of weird.

Have you ever watched ants when you disrupt their hill? At first they scurry around like crazy doing whatever it is their job to do, but the next thing you know, they are doing what they usually do. Things get back to normal really quickly. They don't spend any time agonizing over the crisis.

I feel like an ant. I have to keep putting out fires. Some just keep burning, and don't seem extinguishable. Others can be resolved, and we just keep working until the next crisis. Like the ants, I don't seem to have the ability to keep the problems at bay. I do not seem able to "see it coming". Instead, I just sit there waiting for the next moron who wants to come along and smash my hill.

The economy is striking hard right now, and we are really trying to not spend our pennies. Coincidently, we have been on a rampage to clean up our "hill" and in so doing have found a lot of stuff we are selling and/or giving away. It feels good for the "hill" to not be so cluttered. Should the heel-grinding get really bad, we can more easily move a small amount of personal belongings.

(Can you tell I've been watching ants this afternoon. I just planted arugula, lettuce, and celery; a group of ants had the nerve to build a hill in an area I had been planning to plant in. No, I didn't smash their hill, but I did throw a little dirt on it as I planted my stuff next to it. Maybe we can live together cooperatively? In my experience, the odds of that are negligible, but I am forever the optomist.)

Because of the number of students who have elected not to pay tuition at Deseret Academy, we have been forced to reduce our staff to just Roger and me. We had hoped at one time that it would provide at least a part-time income for all of our children, but it doesn't appear possible right now. As we have tried to keep this "dream" alive, we have gone into debt. We were free and clear of all debt but a school loan just a couple of years ago, but now we find ourselves in pretty deep. I should have done this months ago when I was first prompted, but now I will have to suffer the consequences of not listening. Those consequences come in more ways than just financially because at least one of my children is very angry at us for doing this. I feel very lonely right now.

Of course, with just Roger and I taking on all of the responsibilities for our school, there is added work. There are times when I ask myself if it is worth it. I still don't know the answer.

Another challenge we are having is with my mentally challenged brother-in-law. He has been living in his mother's condiminium since her death 7 years ago. We have been getting phone calls and e-mails from the condo managers saying that he can no longer live there due to behavior problems he has been having. When we talk to Roger's dad and his brother, they assure us all is well. It has been very confusing. We finally arranged a trip there last weekend to see if we could clear up some things.

What a shock we had! The apartment is in horrible condition and is unlivable at present. It will probably cost us $20,000 to make the necessary repairs. Even then we may not be able to sell it because there is such a depressed market right now. We had to move Randy into an assisted living facility in Ft. Lauderdale, but he has left twice trying to return to the apartment. His case worker called to tell me they are moving him to another facility in the hopes he will be happier.

A big problem is that the neighbors are telling the authorities that we are stealing everything from Randy including his non-existent trust fund and "his" apartment. The APS case worker has told me they have lodged an abuse complaint against us, and we will be investigated. Isn't that lovely?

The odd thing about that is that Randy spent every cent his mother left him (which was about $17,000, we think) within a month after she passed away. She had planned on it taking care of him for a long time. Plus he took everything out of the safety deposit box which contained things he and Roger were supposed to share (not sell, mind you) and pawned them. We have no idea where the money went as he would not tell us. We assume he was conned as he has nothing to show at his home for it.

The apartment he has been living in is to be shared with his brother, Roger. Instead of being able to share in it, Roger has had to foot all of the bills for it, including a $300+ maintenance fee and untold "assessments". He also pays the light bill, and anything else that comes up. Some of these maintenance fees never made it to the bank apparently as the condominium association is also suing us for 1 1/2 years worth of unpaid fees. We supplied the attorney with our bank statements and cancelled checks, so that should not be a problem. They have actually put the condominium into foreclosure, I think. We may end up having to live in it ourselves before it is all over.

Like the ants, I feel completely powerless over the mightier powers that be. I feel oblivious to their power except for when they are stepping on me and trying to destroy what peace I try to make for myself. I just want to live simply and quietly, trying to take care of what responsibilities I percieve to be mine. How naive I am thinking I can just plop down in this particular garden bed!

Facebook

I know this is pretty random, but I really like Facebook. I have been thinking a lot about technology. Not even considering the advancements since I have been alive, I was talking to my grandson about the advancements that were made since HIS dad was born in 1973. Of particular interest to Wyatt were the video games. Remember pong? If you do, you are giving away your age. Atari was an incredibly primitive system compared to the video games of today, but you'd have thought my son had died and gone to heaven when we got our first system. I think he was about 10...

And video tapes. To say that video recordings are an improvement today would be a gross understatement. I think every one of them we ever had ended up in the garbage as the tape split one too many times. We even would take them apart and "splice" them with scotch tape, but that got pretty old after a while.

I also lived in the time of 8 track tapes which led to the cassette tape which had a pretty long run. I can remember being at my aunt's house one time, and she had a reel to reel player which was the forerunner of the 8 track tape. Talk about labor intensive. Of course, all the home movies were on reels as well, and that went well into my high school years and beyond.

Of course those were simpler days. I don't even know what was on television during the day because we NEVER watched daytime TV. I think they had game shows and soap operas, but we didn't watch it. If we were home, we were studying or playing outside or reading. Those are all three foreign concepts for children today. Most of the students in our school had no idea how to study when they came to us, and many of them are unable to read with any degree of proficiency when we get them. The math and communication skills of our nation's children are shockingly inadequate for ANY job, no less for the kinds of jobs needed to keep a country going.

Every presidential year, I think how sad it is that we are producing a nation full of citizens who don't know how to think. Of course, when one doesn't think, one is unable to reason. That can be very dangerous if the unthinking, unreasoning individual decides to cast his unthoughtful, unreasonable ballot. I wonder how the founding fathers would feel if they saw the campaign commercials being run that are directed totally at an American public who will not see through the propaganda.

Gee, I guess I found my soapbox. Facebook. I was going to tell you how much I like it. I have a few friends that have found their way to it. I had my account for awhile before I realized the advantages of it. I hope more of friends will too. The thing I like about it is that I can keep up with my friends without having to actually see them or even talk to them. It's as if they are publishing their own little newsletter for me to read each day. You know, like Christmas card newsletters. You know how we all love to catch up on what our friends are doing each year.

Of course, you might ask yourself why do I care what they are doing if I don't get to actually spend time with them. Well, that too is a sign of the times. Who has time to visit anymore?

Another thing I really like about it is that I can update my "status" each day, so it acts as a little journal entry. Since I am far too lazy to actually keep a journal, this works well for me.

I have even decided to use a myspace page to log my seminary lessons so that I will have a permanent record of what I taught when. Kinda late for that. I'd like to see what I would have written when I first started teaching a hundred years ago. I started it because one of my students has temporarily moved to Texas, and it will serve as a way for her to keep up with her lessons.

I also like facebook because I can update and catch up with my friends and family in my car on my mobile phone. I spend a lot of time in the car, so it helps me feel like I am making better use of this formally unproductive time. (Roger usually drives, and we go most places together.) We tried listening to talk CD's, but Roger and I don't like to listen to the same things. In fact, we don't listen to anything as Roger likes to spend time in the car talking. No fear, I can talk, listen, and facebook! I am a very good multi-tasker. One has to be these days. Computers may have made our work simpler, but now we have a lot more of it!

I remember when that first became a word: multi-tasker. It was when home computers started making it on the scene.

Home computers! Don't get me started. I had one of the first calculators ever produced by Texas Instruments in 1974 (I think). It was quite large by today's standards. Heck, I even have a calculator "application" on my cell phone. That first calculator was not solar or cordless; if you couldn't plug it in, you had to use the slide rule. Yes, I admit it: I went all the way through Chem I & II, Physics, Trig & Anal. Lit. Geometry with a slide rule. I couldn't use one of them now if my life depended on it. Can you even buy those things anymore? I remember all of the sine and cosines had to be in the appendix because that was the only way to do geometry back then.

And telephones have changed a tad as well... I remember when phone numbers began with an exchange; ours was "ludlow"; LU, I think. My aunt's was "jackson" JA. Area codes were only when you had to call out from yours, and our area codes covered much larger geographical areas, so that wasn't very often.

Our phones all had the curly cord thing which meant we didn't travel very far away from the phone while we were talking on it. It also meant we didn't talk all that long because we had to get stuff done that was farther away than where the phone could reach. We also had rotary dials. I bet most young people don't even know what that is!

We didn't have to wear seat belts in our cars because cars didn't have them. Of course, we didn't have express ways for local travel, so no one drove very fast anyway.

It really is shocking to think how many things have changed in the 50+ years I have been on this earth. One has to think that if things changed like this every 50 years, the cave man is not too hard to imagine. The fact is that civilization didn't change all the much technologically for thousands of years. I think the printing press was the invention that changed all that because once mankind could read, it opened up previously unavailable paths. So now the circle is complete: in the next generation will our leaders be readers? If not, they will close many paths leading to many wonderful opportunities. I don't want to think what our civilization will be like without readers.

Of course, if I can keep improving on my hermit-like existence, I won't know about it, right? All I will know is what I surround myself with: books, books, and more books with plenty of technology thrown in there to enhance the communication experience.

Do you know that plastics came into usage during my lifetime? But that's a discussion for another day...

committment

Good old Steve. I love his slant on things. Please visit Darius' blog to follow this thread as this is a good summary of it.

http://trunkybeat.blogspot.com/2008/09/you-might-be-raw-foodist-when.html

(While you're there, sign up for the feed. He's very insightful and fun to read. Of course, I might be prejudiced...)

I actually started sun gazing Saturday after I heard the lecturer, Ken Rohla (http://beyondrawfood.com/blog/), talk about it earlier that day. I actually believe one could be a breatharian, but it will have to wait until I am ready to give up my current addiction: delicious raw food.

RE: $5 a day - that is $150 a month; I believe if one were willing to garden and sprout a lot, that number could go down significantly. I am also trying to learn to eat wild plants more which cuts down on the work and money spent. There are a lot of raw fooders who are past the initial novelty phase that eat very simply and very cheaply.

Re: cost. Health insurance is very expensive these days, and we won't even talk about health care. Even with co-pays, people I know spend a small fortune. The re-investment of those dollars into a more healthful lifestyle would save more than money. Darius again, would have a thing or two to say about that since his last bout with cancer.

I don't keep track of what I spend, but I know that just not eating at fast food places and restaurants has saved me tons. I really don't enjoy going out anymore - to eat - that is. I love going out to other kinds of activities that I never did much when I was a SADist. Even going to raw food restaurants I think of more as an educational investment as I try to eat things I've never made or sometimes never even heard of.

For example, Saturday, at the lecture, I had a samosa. I'd never eaten any Indian food before so was not sure what to expect. Kasey, the chef at Present Moment, came out and showed me how to MAKE the coconut wrappers. They were tasty and definately a special event type food for me anyway.

I went to a seminary inservice meeting the other day, and our lesson was on becoming converted to the gospel through this conversation:

Do you get it?
Do you feel it?
Do you love it?
Are you willing to live it?

All of these steps must be followed before one can say they are converted. I strongly believe eating a more plant based and natural diet is part of the Word of Wisdom, and it is an important part of my testimony of the gospel. I know that sounds extreme to some, but I think if we truly get it (the gospel), our lifestyle choices must be examined to see if they are in sync with it. Feeling it, loving it, and actually being willing to do it follow right along.

I need to post a new pic of Roger than the one in the previous post...he's under the 250 pound mark! That is the smallest he has weighed in at least 30 years. He looks amazing! He is becoming a little vain, actually!!!!

just a little overwhelmed

I can't say that a day goes by when I don't think to myself, "I really need to write that down in my blog." Oftentimes lately I've said this 2 or 3 or 4 times a day. It has literally been a whirlwind of amazing events in my life since I last recorded anything. It is so frustrating as I don't imagine I will ever be able to capture these events.

The last time I wrote was just after my birthday. That seems eons ago right now, but it has only (?) been 5 weeks. Since then I have:

Gone to Green Bay, Wisconsin with Roger, Darius, and Alicia.

Gone to New York City with Roger, Darius, and Alicia.

Started back teaching early morning seminary (6:15 a.m. M - F).

Watched 2 Hurricanes threaten the Florida coasts, or was it 3?

Had so many inspirational moments I cannot begin to count them.

Rode several emotional roller coaster rides with Dorian and his family.

Booked a Bahamas cruise for Dorian and his family in November for Dorian's birthday.

Planned a trip to New York City AGAIN for this coming Thursday through Monday (school break) where I will participate in a raw food class with a chef we met at our last outing to NY (Raw Soul).

Been on the amazing NY subway system and become convinced that there was a genius behind its development.

Ridden a train (from NJ to Grand Central Station).

Been to a Mets game.

Been to a Packers game and toured their museum and stadium (awesome even if you are not a fan - did you know the Packers are the only public owned sports team?).

Watched the Daytona Cubs win the Florida State League championship (minor league high A).

Sorrowed about the Dodgers leaving Jacksonville only to be replaced by the Marlins...

Purchased season tickets to the Daytona Cubs for the 2009 season.

Attended the Orlando temple.

Visited the Manhattan temple.

Ate lunch at the Quintessence and Raw Soul restaurants in Manhattan - absolutely amazing (everything you've heard about the food in NYC is understated - it is amazing).

Gone to farmer's markets (one of my personal favorite activities) in Green Bay (where they had the most amazing little tomatoes I have ever eaten) AND Union Square (Manhattan).

Learned about the "Amigos for Christ" (http://www.amigosforchrist.org/). (This was a whole blog entry in itself. I usually avoid these kinds of booths at fairs and farmer's markets, but I kept finding myself being drawn to it. I purchased some journals for my seminary students and Orion. It is neat to think of Kathy Fox and her son going to Nicaragua to help build houses everytime I see the journals.)

Gone to Times Square.

Ridden the L train and lived to tell about it.

Attended a Spanish branch in Green Bay.

Taught an institute lesson to about 30 college aged kids in Jacksonville (Matt. 13). Realized myself that this chapter with 8 parables is Jesus' prophecies regarding the gathering of Israel.

Had a grandma camp for Wyatt during one of the hurricanes. Learned he loves corned beef hash and watching dolphins at Marineland.

Visited a 3 story Toys R Us in NY with a ferris wheel in the middle of it.

Bought some new clothes at an awesome Goodwill in Green Bay. Threw out old, way too baggy clothes.

Discovered LaraBars.

Locked ourselves out of Dorian's house while we staying with the children and had to call a locksmith. Upside: it was a stunningly beautiful night under the stars. We could even see the Milky Way!

Harvested the most awesome watermelons I've ever eaten along with tomatoes, cucumbers, parsley, and peppers, not to mention learning to eat more of the wild edibles our property produces. Chickweed, our most plentiful weed, is a daily salad addition now.

Learned to make a few raw salad dressings that we actually like. We've almost weaned Roger off the thousand island.

Made an incredible raw garbanza bean sprout hummus. I don't think anyone else liked it as much as I did, but I loved it! (Which is unusual - I'm not usually crazy about stuff like that, especially raw beans.)

Well, I suppose there is more, but you get the idea. And I haven't even gone into any of my spiritually uplifting moments.

I will share my most recent. I have been thinking about the China Study lately - written by Dr. Colin Campbell. I have been trying to think of ways to share the information in it with others. I have finally gotten over my anger over being brainwashed all of my life as to the foods I have eaten which are very unhealthy. I was remembering back in the 70's how there were lots of commercials for cigarettes on TV. Most were very enticing, and I'm sure not a few people started smoking as a result of the propaganda. Once the surgeon general came out with the statement that smoking could lead to lung cancer, laws were passed which restricted cigarette advertising. People still continued to smoke of course, but often times, people started smoking because it was the rebel thing to do.

Now that smoking is seen as such a health hazard, I assume fewer people are beginning the habit, but I don't know the statistics. My point has nothing to do with smoking except to say that I see our food habits changing along those same lines. It is undeniable the harm that is caused by certain foods, especially processed and/or high fat foods. Of course, people persist in eating them for a couple of reasons: they induce feelings of satisfaction; they are addicted to them; they think the research is a bunch of rubbish; and it is the rebel thing to do.

The China Study outlines 45 years of research that determined "even relatively small intakes of animal based foods (from 0% to 20% of total calories) could encourage biological processes that, over a lifetime, would give rise to higher risks for a wide variety of diseases typically found in Western societies (e.g. cancers, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, etc.)."

My a-duh moment came yesterday as I was thinking of what I should prepare for the Relief Society sisters in terms of preparedness. I was thinking about the Word of Wisdom (Doctrine and Covenants 89). I remembered that when this revelation was given to Joseph Smith during the 19th century, the word caffeine had not even been invented yet. No one knew the harmful effects of alcohol, caffeine, or nicotine. The early saints that obeyed the Word of Wisdom simply out of faith. It wasn't until the 20th century that science learned about the harmful drugs in these foods commonly consumed by most Westerners.

Now, here we are in the 21st century. Dr. Campbell, and others, have done extensive studies that have again proven the Word of Wisdom to be true.

10. And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
11. Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.
12. Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;
13. And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.
14. All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;
15. And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.
16. All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—
17. Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

I am amazed at how we look at verse 12 and see it as a license to kill animals daily for our food when verse 13 so clearly indicates it is only supposed to be during extreme conditions of hardship. True also for grains (vv. 14 AND 15).

My a-duh moment came when I realized the scientific research is here now to substantiate these unpopular teachings. It is being received as negatively as it was when cigarettes were found to be bad. We don't like change! We want to keep doing what we're doing even when it doesn't work. Just as the people in Joseph Smith's time found it hard to give up addictive substances, so are we. It doesn't matter how much evidence there is to the contrary, WE personally are going to beat the odds.

Unfortunately, the dialysis labs and cancer clinics and cemetaries are full of our loved ones who did not beat the odds. It is likely some of us aren't going to either if we don't make an effort to change. While we all have to die, I agree with Sister Davis' 97 year uncle who said, "If I'd have known I was going to have to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." I assume he meant he would have enjoyed a better quality of life in his older years if he had taken better care of himself.

Dr. Oz has introduced a concept known as "biological age". Everyone of us who is eating poorly and not exercising has a biological age far beyond our chronological one. The degree to which we are hyper-aging depends upon our degree of overconsumption of foods that detract from our health. According to the 45+ years of research from Dr. Campbell, "One of the most direct ways to think about which foods to favor is to consider the concept of 'nutrient richness'; ... it is clear to me that these are the whole plant foods: whole vegetables, beans, fruits, raw nuts and seeds, and cereal grains. This also means that, as much as possible, we should avoid or minimize the consumption of any foods that stray from this group. These include animal foods and fragments of plant-based foods (like sugar, white flour, oil) that are used to make 'junk' foods."

I am grateful for a-duh moments. They never sound quite so profound on paper as they do when I have them because I am not able to write with the same intensity and energy with which it is delivered by the Holy Ghost.

If you have not already read the report by Dr. Campbell, please do so. I have a PDF summary of it I can e-mail you. I'm off to finish off the hummus with some crunchy celery sticks.

New York, New York

!

Birthday Fun, Good Times, Good Times

While doing my garden walk through today, I saw a dark something or other in the sweet potatoes, so I stopped to look. There was this beautiful butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, so I ran to get my camera to capture it before it flew away. When I first saw it, it was still damp. By the time I got my camera, it had dried off quite a bit, so I'm sure it was going to ready to fly off soon. Isn't it beautiful? Just another blessing from doing my daily "chores".

I'm sure better authors than I have done some brilliant parables regarding the butterfly as he emerges from the chrysalis, but I can't help but see this wonderful phenomenon as a type of our lives. I won't bore you with the analogy. I just hope you will spend some time today thinking about it!

I had a great weekend with my family. I celebrated my birthday, and Dorian and his family as well as Darius and Alicia joined me in Daytona. We spent some time at the beach, shopping, playing games, and watching baseball. It was great. A big thank you goes out to those who joined me for making it special for me.

It has been an issue for our family, this food thing. In the past, when we have had family activities, they have been very food centered. In fact, when we rented houses for everyone to stay together for a couple of days, our main activity has been preparing various dishes to show off our culinary skills. Since we have made some dietary changes, we have had a hard time finding other activties to replace our previous ones, and it has been a real challenge.

When the children were little, we used to play games. Granted, many of them were sedentary as we were too fat to do many physical games with them. Once Dorian became a teenager, we didn't have as many family activities as he spent a lot of time with his friends. The younger boys and I spent a lot of time doing 4-H projects and running the store. Roger worked his regular job and worked at the store after he got off work, so there wasn't a lot of leisure time although we did spend a lot of time together.

The point being, we lost a lot of the game playing we used to do. I had the bright idea to play some games at my birthday party, and it seemed that everyone had a good time. It didn't take up the time having a feast would have, and I'm sure some didn't enjoy it as much as they would have enjoyed the traditional Bar-B-Q, but I did the best I could coming up with family unifying things. When I am with the grandchildren, they enjoy playing card games and doing crafts, going to movies, and such, so that is working out ok. It is the big kids that are hard to amuse!

I am going to start a file of games that we can pull out at a moment's notice. I'm not good at remembering this kind of stuff, so I have to write it down. I used to have some great books when the children were young, so I'll have to dig some of that up. I'll bet it would help if I started a prize box too!

Yesterday at church, I had to give a talk in Spanish. I didn't do very well for the talk part, but I guess my testimony part was ok. I wish I knew more verbs and nouns. I still struggle with conjugating in the past and present tense as well. We had a nice treat as well as Darius was the 2nd speaker, and he did a great job. He used Alma 37 as the basis for his talk with the Anti-Nephi-Lehis and their committment to not pick up weapons of war once they were converted to the gospel. When we are committed to something, amazing things can happen. The Spanish members love hearing a gringo give talks in Spanish, especially when they can actually understand him!

3 of the Spanish sisters gave me gifts. It is very humbling when they do that as I know that their means are very slim. They always remember me on my birthday and at Christmas. They are truly a blessing in my life. I consider them my friends as well as my sisters even though the language barrier prevents us from sharing as many things from our hearts as we would if we could communicate better. It truly speaks to the fact that we communicate more from our heart. I love the card from Graciela. The card was Spanish, and of course, she signed it in Spanish "para mi amiga y hermana".

Volunteers

Doesn't all this greenery look lush and beautiful? This is our volunteer sweet potato patch. We planted NONE of these plants. They all volunteered to be in our garden this year based on some roots left over when we picked last year. This is truly a beautiful stand. Isn't it neat thinking that there is food under it? You can never starve when you have a garden.

I was thinking this morning as I combed the garden and yard for weeds that I might be going crazy. Surely anyone knowing what I was doing would think so. I have even potted some up to show to a friend who knows wild plants. I decided though that it doesn't matter what they are. I know the big danger is that I might juice something poisonous, so it is more important to know what plants we shouldn't be eating. I think I know those, so I am not worrying about it. I don't think I have anything poisonous in my yard.

Just to be safe, though, I only add one different kind a day. That way if it does make me sick, I'll know not to use it again. It is all getting a little blurry though, so if I'm serious about this method, I should be a little more systematic about it. The other worry would be that the plants picked might not taste good. I have not found that to be the case, surprisingly. I heard someone say you should taste the plant to see if it tastes good, and if it tastes good, then pick it for your salad or green drink. That wouldn't work for me. One of the things I've been putting in my drink is something I don't like to take bites of: aloe. It is weird how the plants have a good flavor when they are all mixed together. One day there was a slight bitter taste, but it was not unappealing. Maybe my tastes are changing. I suppose if you're used to soda pop and Koolaid, my green juice might not appeal to you at all.

Last night when I got home from work, Roger parked in a little bit different place. When I got out of the van, there was a beautiful dandelion plant. I was thrilled and couldn't wait to pick it today. Most people have tons of dandelions, but we don't here for some reason. All the organic stores sell dandelion greens, so they are being cultivated nowadays. I really like them. I would plant them in my garden, but that seems really absurd...isn't it? One of the other things I like about picking weeds for my drink is that it is hard in the summer time to find greens for juicing here in Florida. Lettuces and other greens thrive in the winter time, and we have more than we can ever use. That dries up as soon as the spring heat sets in. I think I had lettuce this year until about April. So being able to pick weeds that don't seem to mind the heat at all is a nice boon. Likewise, the weeds don't thrive as much in the wintertime, although there are some.

One thing I've noticed in my daily collection walks is that different things sprout at different times. I know this sounds obvious, but right now there are thousands of tiny weeds sprouting that waited until this particular time to do so. Some of the others are waning (not too many though). Some weeds only grow in certain areas. It is very interesting.

One thing I have been picking the last couple of days is volunteer watermelon sprouts. Roger emptied some of our compost bin into a couple of our raised beds. We started doing that a few years ago when our bins were full but our boxes were lying fallow. (Nature abhors a vacuum, don't you know?) We've been eating a lot of watermelon since our garden is producing so much, and the volunteers are producing far more than can ever survive as plants, so I am thinning them for my daily drink. Then I had a bright idea while eating my watermelon today: why not save the seeds, rinse them off, and plant them in my little sprout planting system (like I do the sunflower seeds). I think they taste similar. They are good in the drink, anyway.

It makes me think we buy a lot more stuff than we need, especially when it comes to food. There is an old pioneer saying: make it do or do without. We have truly lost sight of that in our current economic plenty. Perhaps our tight money times will lead us back to that way of living.

Personal Development for Smart People

While it's fresh on my mind, I'd like to give a heads up to Steve Pavlina. I've known about him for about 6 months now, but I have tread lightly trying to figure out if he is for real or not. He makes a living out of helping people improve themselves, and he sells a lot of self-improvement type books and products. My reason for mentioning him is that I find his business model pretty interesting. I believe he has gotten into this business by his own self-improvement lifestyle. Each month he does a 30 day trial of something he sees as an area he would like to improve in his life. He has some pretty interesting trials. He started doing this in 1993. He said he got the idea from the shareware industry where they will let you download software on a 30 day trial basis.

In the self-improvement vein, he uses the rationalization that anyone can do anything for 30 days. If you find out after the 30days is over that you don't want to continue the activity, you can do so, but you commit at the onset that you will stick to the plan for the designated 30 days. Some of his trials he has adopted, and others he has let go. His criteria for accepting the practice is interesting as well: if his life is improved with the new habit or activity, he will continue doing it. (There was one trial he did with sleep habits that did vastly improve his life, but he felt like it was too difficult to implement into his schedule and his family's schedule.)

Here is his website:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/04/30-days-to-success/

He gives a list of suggested 30 day trials. He chronicles his 30 day activities on his blog: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/

I don't read his stuff every day, but I am definately fascinated by his methods. I think the business model is one that could be emulated as well. I have always believed we would have a better country if people were not so dependent on "the man" for how they support themselves. There is only one way to make a living, and it is by depending on ourselves, our gifts, our talents, our enthusiasm, our energy, and our smarts. While the income may not be as dependable as a traditional job, it is more rewarding in lots of other aspects. Of course, that goes back to the old adage that "money isn't everything". Of course, for some people, money IS everything, so none of the other perks mean anything to them.

For me, the biggest advantage is that I can schedule my time to do what I want to do. Yes, I have to schedule time to do the actual work needed to keep my business going, but because I like doing this work (usually), that is not a difficult thing to do. Of course, if one is self-employed, the choice should be something that is enjoyed enough that time will want to be spent doing it.

I am actually trying to change this up a bit right now. I am feeling impressed to move on. I am not sure where this will end up, but I am sure it is going to happen as I follow the direction into which I am being led.

Isn't life a wonderful thing when someone like me can decide that I want to do something different, and then I can actually do it? I will be 55 this month, and I am sure this is a pattern I will follow all of my life.

I am always excited when something new looms on the horizon. Some of the best times in my life have been when change has brought me to a new place. I can remember almost all of them vividly. Even moving from being a single person to a married one, and then from a couple to a family are changes that make life more interesting. I definately am not one to sit in a stagnant pool. I can even recall times when as a child changes came about. When my sister(s) were born, the family dynamic changed. Moving from one house to another brought more exciting elements into our life as did my mother's choice of husbands. Joining the church was another amazing change of very long lasting consequence. Some changes were more welcome and enjoyed than others, but none the less, the element of change kept things hopping. I thrive on this apparently.

I never realized this until a couple of years ago when I knew there were going to be changes in my life. I could just feel it! As an adult, I have learned that I usually have an inkling that change is in the air if I listen closely enough to the spirit. I usually don't know what the change will entail, nor do I know which area of my life it will affect, but I know to look for it and consequently welcome it as something that will benefit my life.

I forget about the fact that something good will come of it when the change comes in a difficult, challenging manner. I tend to think of it as an O-Crapper until I see the intended result down the line. Such has been the state of affairs in the last year of my life. It has been an incredible roller coaster ride that didn't look like it would be very much fun at the beginning. Still not sure about some of it, but I'm trying to have faith!

The fact is that change (and the resulting positive benefits) NEVER comes without a price. Sometimes we might decide that price is too high for the benefits we see that might be attained. Unfortunately, we cannot always see all the benefits, and this limited eyesight causes us to sidestep something that could bring many great things into our lives. Other times, change is thrust upon us. We try to hide from it if it is seemingly unpleasant, but we will not reap the benefits until we fully embrace it, pain and all.

Isn't this aversion to pain and discomfort a funny thing? For me, it has really caused me to waste a lot of time while I tried to avoid them. Ultimately, the pain and discomfort don't go away; they are temporarily assuaged until I accept their reality and succomb to it. As I get older, I would like to learn to consent earlier to the imagined unpleasantness as it is never as bad as I think it will be. (Real pain has come more often in ways I could not control.) Then I would be able to reap the benefits sooner without wasting the time avoiding something that never happens. That is a nice goal for this new year (decade? millenium??).

Summer Camp Comes to a Close

Last day of summer camp for this year! Angelina got a nice certificate for her efforts and a ball with the signatures of all her coaches. At the beach on the way home, she found a starfish in one of the tide pools which certainly bodes well for her week.

I think she had a good time although I know she will be glad to be back home. I hope she can remember all the things she did so that she can tell her family about it. She is already talking about next year!

We went to the game last night; it was a double header, but she didn't make it through but a couple of innings before she was bored. Rich Hill pitched who is a player in rehab I think, but he was pretty stinky. Hope he hasn't quit his day job. I guess it will be a few years before baseball camp actually involves baseball!

I am trying to post videos on UTube, but it takes a long time. Most takes have to be done several times, so I don't know if it is my connection here at the hotel or my computer or the nature of the downloading beast.

The beach was absolutely gorgeous this morning and this afternoon. If not for the sun, I'm sure we could all stay there forever. I couldn't believe how temperate it was and how calm the water was. It really has been a nice time for all of us.

I found a health food store in Ormond Beach which is about 20 minutes away. It has a juice bar which is great along with organic fruits and vegetables. They also carry items made by Glaser Farms. This is a raw foods farm in Miami that ships dehydrated items through out the health food circuit. I bought a couple of treats for Roger and Darius. Love's Whole Food Market for those traveling in this area.

Summer Camp

We're in beautiful Daytona Beach again at our first annual Grandma and Grandpa summer camp (girls first). The Daytona Cubs Single A ball club is hosting a baseball camp for ages 7 to 12, and we signed up Angelina to go. Instead of just running her home each day, we rented a room on the beach, and we are seeing the sights along with her morning "lesson". Today we went to see the sun rise before class started and went swimming this afternoon. It has been wonderful beach weather if you don't consider the daily afternoon thunderstorms. We also brought puzzles, crafts, and games to do in the "off" season. We are hoping this is something we can do each year with the grandchildren; we got the idea from Jac's mother who does this with her grands each year. It is a very smart idea!

I am trying to put some videos we made on UTube. Here is the URL I think:

http://www.youtube.com/user/desacad

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Eat 'Em!

I've been wanting to write about this for some time, but many things have been going on. I'll update first, and then I'll hit my main topic.

July 18 - Our sweet Angelina had a birthday! She's 7 now. I can still remember her as a baby, so it is hard to believe she is so grown up. We had her party at the ball park in Daytona, and it was very nice. They gave her lots of attention which she loves.

July 27 - Darius turns 27 which seems even more incredible. I can still remember when he was born. I can remember gazing at him once when he was laying on his quilt at the foot of the stairs. He was always stretching like he was trying to fit into his new body. I wondered then as always how his life would turn out. Alicia had a nice party for him at the park on Forest and Beach. Alicia's mom, dad, and sister were there as well as Dorian and his family, Roger and I, and JaRay and his friend from Utah, Randy. It was nice, and the food was terrific.

July 27 - Sweet baby Brooklyn received her name and blessing in the Timaquana ward. She was blessed by her daddy, Orion, of course, and assisted by her two grandpas, two of her uncles (including Darius and Kevin (I think that is his name), Bro. Gavelin, and some other people I didn't know. It was very sweet. She started crying which makes me think she doesn't like all the attention like her grandma. (Come on, you've got to give me something here.)

On the baseball scene, we attended an end of the year dinner for the Suns this week and learned that the Dodgers would be leaving the Jaxsonville affiliate for a closer site out west as I previously predicted. It is disappointing for those of us who are Dodger fans, but we are hoping for bigger and better things for whichever team comes in. One of the players said that the Marlins were looking at this park; their current AAA affiliate is in New Mexico, so that seems like a strong possibility as noted in a previous blog entry. Not being a big Marlins fan, I would be more excited at seeing their opponents. The advantage of having a AAA affiliate is that there are only 2 leagues. Each major league team has one AAA affiliate, so when you are watching a AAA ball club through the season, you have the chance of seeing 1/2 of all the major league ball clubs during the year. These guys are only one step away from the majors as well, so that is exciting in itself.

The East coast AAA league is called the International League and has such great clubs as the Toledo Mudhens (made famous by Jamie Farr in MASH) and the Durham Bulls (also made famous by a movie, now that I think about it) as well as the Pawtucket Red Sox for those who love them. Not so fan friendly Yankees are included (the team we all love to hate); the Mets are in the Pacific League (for now anyway since they are in New Orleans which seems more eastern to me). Each year this stuff gets shuffled around so there are no guarantees, but this year the following teams are represented in the IL:

Cleveland Indians, Chicago White Sox, Washington Nationals, Tampa Bay Rays, Pittsburgh Pirates, Philadelphia Phillies, Cincinnati Reds, Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, Atlanta Braves, Minnesota Twins, NY Yankees, Toronto Blue Jays, and the Detroit Tigers. As I said, all of the other teams are in the Pacific League. I guess there is always a possibility that if the Marlins moved over to Jax, they would stay in the Pacific league. That would be weird though and a lot of travel for the western teams that had to go to their stadium. Currently they are flying to New Orleans though, so who knows? What do you think?

Jesus pitched Saturday night but received a no decision since the score was tied when he left after 7 innings. He won his previous game out of town. He seemed to be struggling at this outing with only 2 strike-outs in 7 innings. His ERA was 2.85 going into the game and is now at 2.99 which is still excellent.

On to main topic: Each morning that I am home, I work outside for as long as I can depending on my schedule. This is usually about 45 minutes, but if I only have 15 minutes, I don't feel badly about that. I am learning that the important thing is that I am out there every day if possible even if I just walk around. (I try to do that on Sunday; it is a wonderful Sabbath activity to sit on our garden benches and walk on the mulched paths.) There are a couple of benefits (besides the obvious) for being out there every day.

The obvious benefit is that more work gets done. It is very easy for a garden to get out of control with even a little neglect. I've learned that the hard way. It is amazing how easy it is to stay on top o it when you spend a little time out there each day.

That was my initial reason for setting that as a goal. Well, actually, my goal was to spend 15 to 20 minutes a day in the sun. During my juice feast I had committed to do that. When my friend, Geri, was visiting from Utah, she was telling me about a vitamin D deficiency she has, and I decided that my goal was a very important one I would try to maintain. What better way to get 15 to 20 minutes worth of sunshine than to spend a few minutes in the garden? I'm not much for walking aimlessly around a track. I've tried that MANY times in the past, and I really hate it. I thought about biking, but I haven't got a bike right now, so the garden won the toss.

I didn't expect many more benefits than ample Vitamin D production and a better tended garden, but something unexpected resulted. Each day I start out by pulling a few weeds and then I collect produce that is ready to eat. One day I decided to save back a few springs of the weeds I was pulling for the green drink I make for breakfast each day. I started out with weeds I knew were edible like sorrel and red raspberry leaf. Then I added one I didn't know figuring if it was not good for me, I'd know soon enough. (I made sure I showed it to Roger, so he could show it to the doctor in the event an anecdote was needed. See, I'm responsible.) Since then, I've added a few others. Today I was up to about 2 cups of weeds in my drink! Awesome, don't you think.

I am very interested in finding out what the unknown weeds are, and I have planted some in a pot to take to my friend, Leisa, who knows the wild edibles. I am going to mention it to others in our church branch who are hoping to be more self-sufficient.

You would not expect the drink to be good with weeds in it, but they are the tastiest ones I have ever made. Saturday I was not home, so I ordered one at the juice bar from Native Sun (minus the weeds, of course), and it was amazingly bland in comparison. Good enough, of course, but not as tasty as the weed-infested ones. I am very excited by this development, and I can't help but think of the benefits that come from drinking a green drink every day from produce just picked from the garden.

For those who would like to try it, here's my recipe:

1/2 cup water in the blender
several stalks of celery cut in 1 - 2 inch pieces

Whirr this up until celery is liquified. Add garden weeds. Whirr til liquified.

Then I add whatever produce was picked: tomatoes, banana peppers, a cucumber, some parsley, a sprig of fennel.

Grind til all is liquified on the highest speed. Some might like this as a smoothie, but I strain it through a nut mylk bag. The add some sol. (This is Himalayan Salt rocks put into suspension with water. You can use sea salt. It doesn't take as much as you might think. Go easy til you find out how much you want.)

Delicious, and you gotta think: Nutritious! I have so much energy from drinking this it is incredible. Let me know if you try it and what you think.

So, if the weeds in your garden are getting you down, if you can't beat 'em, eat 'em!

My next experiment is the grasses: could they possibly taste worse than wheat grass? I don't think so. That stuff invades my garden with no fear at all! Let's see how they are after they've been run through my wheat grass juicer!

Stretching is good

We returned from our trip to the beautiful North Carolina area on Tuesday, but it was a couple of weeks too early. We really like that area; it is hard to come home.

The Southern League All-Star game was pretty interesting. We wanted to watch our Suns players who made to the All-Stars this year: Juan Gonzalez, Adam Godwin, Lucas May, James McDonald, Russell Mitchell, and Jesus Castillo.

Jesus is the pitcher we sponsor on the Suns, so we were especially anxious to see how he did. He seemed nervous before the game, so I am not sure he knew what to expect. Anyway, he had 2 people on base when the next hitter, Chris Coughlin, (who ended up with the MVP because of this play) had a 3 RBI home run. Then Jesus went on to be the only pitcher of the night to strike out the side. (At all-star games, the pitchers only pitch one inning.) The other Suns players did all right. Nothing special. The Northern division won as per usual.

Ivan deJesus, Jr. was a 2nd baseman on the world team Future game. He got on base a couple of times, but he was picked off when he tried to steal. That was a little painful. The World team shut out the American team.

It made me think about how we get used to our present level of activity. When we watch the Suns, we see certain players outshine their team mates and their opponents. Then when they are in a different venue, they are not as spectacular as they are in their comfort zone.

I think we are all like this. We accomplish what we think is our best given our current circumstances. When we put ourselves in the next level, we realize we need to stretch a little more. Until we get into that new, more difficult environment, we have no realization that more is possible, or even needed.

Stretching is good. Unfortunately, we resist it with every fiber of our being.