Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Healings, miracles, and gratitude

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, so I have decided I should record it for posterity. I had a very profound experience towards the end of 2006 that I have not yet recorded, but it was a very important experience for me on a lot of different levels.

Roger has been having pain lately and a hard time walking, and we were talking about this yesterday, so I am going to try to put it in a written form.

Last year when I became totally unable to walk without assistance, a lot of people started suggesting what I should do including surgery, a knee replacement. Others suggested medications I should try. I was thinking about the different options and which one would be best because it was obvious I could not continue going on as I was.

Because we don't have medical insurance, I was not quick to run to the doctor and ask his advice, but I think this is a good thing. We become too dependent on those we consider "professionals" in our society instead of thinking through our problems. All answers to all problems are not always "Go ask a professional." In fact, in the scriptures, I think we are more directed to "Ask God." Actually, we are supposed to sort out the problem, come up with what we think is a solution, and THEN ask our Father in Heaven if that is a good solution.

Well, I pondered on all the advice I had been given, and did some other research, but I did not feel good about any of these solutions. None of them felt right. The thing that kept coming into my mind is, "Why are you relying on the arm of flesh?" I kind of ignored it thinking the answer would come.

Finally, after a long night with a lot of pain and sleeplessness because of the pain, I was pretty desparate, and asked, if not the arm of flesh, then who or what? The answer came into my mind, "caffeine". What did caffeine have to do with this? I had started drinking cokes again (mostly icees - my addiction to them is known far and wide). I have these cycles I go in where I give it up, have the headaches, stay off for a while, and then go back to it usually in the summer when it is hot. So what did that, howbeit a flaw I needed to give up, have to do with the pain I was having?

Well, I prayed, and asked Heavenly Father if he would take away the pain if I gave up the caffeine one final time. I didn't think much about it knowing these things take their time, but I was pain free the rest of the day. I couldn't believe it. I thought surely this was a fluke.

Needless to say, I haven't had to walk with assistance since this time. It truly was a miracle given by a Father who I realized loves me very much. I am one of those people who can't believe He really does love me, so this meant a lot to me. I have not had too many personal one-on-one things with Him, but this was one of those times.

This has been on my mind a great deal. In fact, each time I get up and can walk, I say a silent prayer of gratitude. But I have been thinking of other things within this context as well.

I don't doubt that I could have gone to a doctor and had him fix this up. Well, who knows? Why did HF want to go this route? Well, obviously, the caffeine thing was not something in my best interest. Was the pain a way to get my attention? Is it THAT big a deal to Him?

Maybe it was just the next step in MY personal progression. That really seems most likely to me.

The other thing that I can't get out of my mind is the idea that He really can fix anything. I don't think I really got that before. And if he can and will fix anything, what did I want him to fix next? Well, now, that just sounds greedy. How much is too much? I guess He can just say NO! if I ask too much.

So, I haven't asked for anything else. I, of course, have asked for guidance and inspiration, but I haven't asked Him to just fix anything else. Maybe He only does that when that is the only way the problem can be solved.

There are so many problems we have while we are walking on this earth. I am so grateful that I got a glimpse into the fact that we are not all alone. I really do try to do it alone most of the time, and that is really stupid. Ego, I guess. I suppose I am reaching a point in my life when I am forced to be more dependent as I become more vulnerable. Maybe that is why we are allowed to live so long as this would be a hard lesson to learn while young. Then again, perhaps missionaries learn this as they go out away from the security of their families. That seems so incredibly hard to me, even now. Perhaps the only way they survive it is dependence on their HF.

A lot of problems can be solved through inspiration and doing the right things. I know that caffeine was not causing the problem that I was having, but I also know that giving it up when inspired to do so resulted in the miraculous healing. Inspiration can be about more than solutions; it can be about way to improve our relationship with Him.