Attitude of Gratitude

Wasn't able to post a blog yesterday about Thanksgiving as it was a bittersweet day for me. It was the first Thanksgiving since our sons went on missions that we did not spend time together. Last year was a little off as well and signaled the beginning of the end, but I did not see it then.

I could not write about my feelings then, but this morning in my LDS gems there was a great quote from Elder Eyring that put it all in perspective:

“I am at a stage in my life when, because of great distances, I cannot come to know well grandchildren and, in time, great-grandchildren. There are also people who have never had the opportunity for marriage and parenthood who have the same yearning as I do to somehow be close to family. Because of the restoration of the knowledge of eternal families, we are more hopeful and more kindly in all our family relations. The greatest joys in this life center in families, as they will in the worlds to come. I am so grateful for the assurance I have that if we are faithful, the same sociality which we enjoy here in this life will be forever with us in the world to come, in eternal glory (see D&C 130:2).”

Henry B. Eyring, “The True and Living Church,” Ensign, May 2008, 22

Although his inability to see his extended family is due to geographical distances and mine is an emotional void, the yearnings are the same. An emotional gap is difficult because all communication is cut off. While our sons were on missions, we greatly enjoyed our biyearly phone calls and weekly (?) letters. We no longer enjoy that luxury. We still are hopeful as we know that in the next life all will become clear. There will not be the misunderstandings that exist in this life nor the mistrust. If I am faithful, all that the Father has will be mine. I don't really want His, I only long for mine, or what I perceive to be mine.

I really don't want to wallow in this, but it is a source of great pain. I suppose it is a good thing to at least address it especially in a journal kind of way. I think that pain is something we are supposed to experience however unpleasant it might be as it adds to our experience we are supposed to gain here on the earth. How can we expect to inherit eternal life if we have not felt the rejection of those we love? Jesus Christ certainly has been reviled by those He loved; should we expect to get through this life without this? Apparently not.

That being said, I cannot help but feel extremely grateful for what I have which includes wonderful memories with those I can no longer have contact. I have been a most blessed mother in Zion. I have 3 wonderful sons, and they have wonderful wives. What children have been born have been incredible, each in their own unique way. My husband is an incredible man who keeps his talents and spirituality well hidden from the world.

In saying I am thankful for the wives, I have to add the thought that I have been feeling grateful for Bonnie lately even though she and Dorian are getting a divorce. I went through a time when I was not so grateful, but I realize now that was foolish. She and Dorian produced 2 wonderful children that would not be in our family if they had not been together. While a divorced situation is not what we would have chosen for them, this world has a way of beating young couples up. Unfortunately, they have definately been a victim of this. As we are now given the opportunity to share our life with Wyatt, their son, we can only hope to stop the carnage, or at least alleviate it. I'm sure Darius and Alicia feel the same way about Angelina. I am grateful she is there as it helps me share in her life in a way I had not have been able to before.

My love for little Brooklyn is limited to my visions from afar. Maybe that is how our Heavenly Father feels when we move far away from Him. He is not able to enjoy daily communication with those who do not wish to communicate with him. I'm sure He sneaks a glimpse whenever He can. Just as there are children that don't even know about Him, she will not know us. I wonder at His patience and understanding.

I really intended this post to be about Thanksgiving. We celebrated with my mother on Monday with an apple harvest celebration, but the actual day of TG we spent at Sombrero Beach in Marathon, Florida. It was a beautiful place and we saw an amazing number of sea creatures there. Sombrero Beach serves as an estuary for the Florida Bay which means it is a nursery for the wildlife that lives in the larger bodies of water. We saw a baby sea urchin that was only an 1/8 inch wide as well as baby sand dollars! There were thousands of baby hermit crabs, but the find of day was by Angelina: a giant hermit crab. He would have easily been a foot long if we had pulled him from his shell. He looked like a Maine lobster! I have never seen one so big. He scared her to death! I'm sure Darius will post some pictures on his blog. We also saw a colony of the conchs that are the original mollusk to inhabit the hermit crab shell before they are eaten by the urchins. It was a great environmental study although I'm sure the kids did not fully appreciate that aspect of our discoveries.

One cannot be in a place like this without thinking of how blessed we are to live on the earth. He has truly given us everything we need to be happy if we could only see that and appreciate it. I hope this Thanksgiving will help me to remember to always count my blessings and truly develop an attitude of gratitude.