Day 12 (+ 11) Posted May 9, 2008
I thought I was in a habit of recording everyday, but yesterday was such a feeling crummy day that writing seemed a waste of time. Not that it would have been, but in my mind, I could see no good in anything.
This memory of the cells thing. As we regress we live through emotional upsets, etc. I don't recall feeling as down as I did yesterday, so I wonder if the brain dumps a bunch at once like it does in the bowel. I knew it was temporary, but it still sucked.
For the first time ever, I was able to say, "I'm not having a very good day. Can you just leave me alone?" instead of reacting to verbal stimuli in a negative way. I just stayed quiet and became aware of riding the emotional wave until it had run its course. This was also a first for me.
Previously I stuffed such demons with some mind-altering comfort food. What a wonderful experience (even though I felt like crap).
Of course, the wonderful juices got me through it. I read a couple of blog journals, the day of whatever I am on, and I noticed several others were doing some emotional dumping at about the same time. I think I saw somewhere a timeline of what to expect, but I can't remember where that is.
I love the freedom of drinking juices. I'm not usually particularly hungry, but I have the sense that it is time to drink more juices. I'm probably not very good at guessing hunger as I have eaten for more other reasons than true hunger for most of my life.
I've been thinking alot about why I am juice feasting. I have been led through this journey little by little until I came to this point. I have no doubt I will continue this journey with juice feasting being a leg of it. I had been praying for something to help me get through a terrible fungal growth caused by eating a raw diet too high in fat. While I had struggled with these outbreaks during my SAD days, nothing was as terrible as the one which began 3 months into the 100% raw diet. I first thought it was a cleansing reaction, but when it didn't go away, I realized it was systemic. I spent a week at the Hippocrates institute to help support my son who was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was at its worst that week when the intake percentage of fats was even higher due to the fact that I quit taking in fruits (a common practice there). Nothing I tried would alleviate the symptoms, but I knew there was an answer out there.
I prayed and prayed and prayed and finally ran across a young man named Justin at an organic farmer's market on our way home from Hippocrates. He was eating lettuce off the head, so my husband asked if he was a raw fooder. He said in fact that he was, and they began talking. I didn't think much more about it (although here in Florida there aren't a lot of raw fooders), until the topic of my fungal growth came up, and I mentioned how it had actually gotten worse while doing raw foods.
He said he was not surprised. He asked what kind of diet I was on, and he introduced me to the 811 program by Dr. Doug Graham. What a revelation! I read the entire book on the way home and knew I had received the answer to my prayer. Except for one little thing. I was addicted to fat! When I realized this, I truly had made some headway. But how to break out of my addiction! That was another story. Nothing I did seemed to help including a couple of 2 day juice fasts. I was fine while juice fasting, but as soon as I started eating normally, I had to have my fat again. And the fungal growth would return. Ycch.
Again, I prayed to know how to resolve this issue. Well, you see here the result of that. I was listening to a radio broadcast by Nomi Shannon where David was a guest. I visited all the websites for all of the guests on the program that day. Juice feasting seemed so outrageous that I disregarded it. I can't remember when the aha moment actually happened, but a few days later, I hunted down their website and signed up for a 2 month membership. I read the literature available, and I knew this is where my journey was leading me. I was scared to death for some reason. It really did seem soooo crazy. How in the world would I pull it off? But I knew I needed to try.
How grateful I am for the power that is greater than myself which helps me wander through this life. I can't wait to see where it takes me next.
On the administrative side of me, this morning I made a log that better suits my needs. I like to divide it up into weeks, so I am into my second week now.
Not sure what to talk about today. My father passed away on this day in 1985 from a throat cancer. I was living in Utah at the time, and I was having trouble trying to figure out when to come as I had two small children at home, and a 12 year old. When I finally got my ticket and got to Ft. Lauderdale where my dad was staying at my Uncle Jimmy's, I was able to be with my father for the last 12 hours of his life. I treasure this time; it was one of the most sacred days of my life, and I learned a lot being with him in those last hours. I arranged his funeral the next day at my old Church in Ft. Lauderdale since daddy didn't have one. I flew home the next day, and was reunited with my nursing baby and the other 2 boys. It was a tough week for all of us and one I will always remember. I also got to stay with my Aunt Katherine while I was there, and we had a wonderful visit as well. She was very kind to all of us girls. You can see by the picture that daddy was in the Air Force. I was born on an Air Force base in Ft. Worth, Texas while he was stationed there during the Korean conflict. Here's what I ate today:
