Happy Birthday, Darius

I'm a little late as usual, but I wanted to post my yearly remembrances for Darius' birthday. Whenever one of the children has a birthday, for some reason it brings a lot of things to my mind about our times together. It is a good time for me to write them down as they won't always be in my mind.

This birthday was a special one for us as we were told in August of 2007 that he only had about 18 months to live. If that had been the case, we would be celebrating his memory this birthday, and it would be a sad day for all of us. We are so thankful to our Heavenly Father for the blessing that he was allowed to stay with us for a longer season. Through priesthood blessings and the inspiration to change our eating habits and lifestyle, we have hope that he will have a long and happy life.

I can still see him lying on the floor at the foot of our stairs in our apartment in Provo, Utah. We were living in a student apartment a few miles from BYU where Roger was pursuing his master's degree. He wasn't home much due to classes and a full-time job; Dorian was playing little league baseball all summer, and it was a hot one. Pioneer Day is the July 24, and I can remember how much I hoped this baby would be born soon. Roger had lost the job that had provided insurance, but the expiration date wasn't until 7/31/81. The problem was that Darius' due date was not until the middle of August sometime. We were a little stressed to say the least.

Roger decided to fast and pray that we might be able to pay for this baby somehow. It was Sunday, July 26th. I stayed up late that night sewing baby outfits. Suddenly, my water broke. I was never more surprised in my life. Neither of us expected Roger's prayer to be answered in that way.

Off we went to the hospital, and Darius was born a few hours later: 27 July 1981. He was truly a miracle baby since we had never anticipated being able to have any more children.

As I would look at him sleeping, I was very aware of what a miracle he was and that all children are. Having that baby taught me a lot about the miracle of childbirth. I was very grateful to have been given the gospel so that I could understand this better and appreciate it more. In fact, Darius got his name from the king in the Old Testament who was converted to the gospel by Daniel. He was our testimony of our gratitude for our conversion.

Dorian had mixed feelings about his new little brother. He was almost 8 years old and was pretty used to having things his way. He had been excited about a sibling, especially a brother, for now he'd have someone to play ball with. One of my funniest memories was once when he propped Darius up in an overstuffed easy chair when he was about 3 months old. Then he started tossing a nerf football to him with the hopes he would catch it and return it. It was hilarious. Of course, Dorian was a little frustrated when he realized this wasn't going to happen for awhile.

Darius went through some rough times during his terrible twos. He was my only child that did. He would be so fussy about getting his own way. What strikes me as interesting about this is that he never really acted like that later as he got older. He was pretty mellow about going with the flow.

Some of my fondest memories of the children revolve around the animals they kept for 4-H. Darius and Orion would play for hours with the chilckens, the rabbits, and the goats. They were required to take care of their animals before they could have their breakfast, and there were many mornings when they did not come in until after lunch time. If there was a game imaginable to be played with the animals, they thought of it. Never have two children enjoyed their animals more. Good times, good times.

As Darius grew up, he became interested in the electric guitar. He let his hair grow out, and he and his friend, Stephen, started a band. I don't think they ever got too many gigs, but they sure enjoyed their practice time together. In fact, I broke my ankle once during a school visit when I fell through a porch during a student visit. I called him to drive me home as I was in too much pain to drive myself. He was very perturbed to have his practice time interrupted!

The dating years were rocky ones as the girls at church wouldn't date him because of his long hair. He looked a little wild to them I guess. He was pretty shy, and he didn't get too serious about dating until after his mission. He served for 2 years in the Torreon Mexico mission, and he had a wonderful time. He thought maybe he might want a Latina para su esposa, but then he met Alicia, and it was love at first sight. I think they are very happy together. They are now raising Angelina, Darius' niece. No other little Dariuses or Alicias yet.

Of course, when Darius was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumor (16 August 2007), we all went through some rough times. We are now able to say that we are grateful for that time as we all learned so much. We certainly didn't think it was something we would be saying that at any future time.

It is interesting how adversity affects us. We would never encourage it, and we even pray that we will be spared it. Yet, it seems, all of our paths to growth are paved with it.

Somewhere along the way while Darius and Alicia were adjusting to their new lifestyle, we decided we would all like to live together. We put off doing this even though we felt prompted to implement it. Then Dorian and his wife found they were unable to care for their children, and we took over the responsibility of Wyatt and Angelina: Wyatt to us, and Angelina to Darius and Alicia. Then, what had seemed a luxury (moving in together) became more of a necessity as we struggled to assume our new parenting roles. We still wallow through the mire of making the right decisions for the children and knowing how to nurture them correctly, but our knowledge that we are doing the right thing helps us get through it.

For Darius' birthday this year, we had a lot to celebrate, and a lot to hope for as well. We are grateful that he was here, and grateful too that the children are back in our lives after spending several months away. Things are not perfect; perhaps that would be an unrealistic expectation while we live in this world. What we can do is think about how much we do have to be grateful and relish it. Thanks, Darius, for choosing to come to our family and bear our imperfections.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

Whenever one of my children's birthdays roll around, it is hard for me to think about anything except their birth and the consequent days, weeks, months, and years. It is amazing the things that come to mind. Often it is things I haven't remembered for years.

Today is Orion's (my youngest son's) 26th birthday. It really seems too incredible that he could be that age and that I could be his mother. I became pregnant with him when Darius was only 9 months old. I did not know I was pregnant for awhile; I just thought I had some major issues with the flu. I really didn't think I would get pregnant that easily while I was still nursing Darius. Finally, about 4 months into it, I decided to ask the doctor if it could be another baby. Obviously, it was, and we were off to the races again.

I decided to keep nursing Darius throughout his pregnancy against the advice of most people. I felt it was too early to wean Darius as I had hoped to nurse him a couple of years. So we did the best we could. Orion was born in a birthing center with a midwife who was under the supervision of Dr. Lewis. He was well-known for his work with people who wanted to have more natural childbirths.

My other two babies had been born without too many complications, but this one presented a few more trials. First he presented face first which means that, well, let's just say it was a lot more difficult. I remember the midwife almost had a stroke when she saw that he was coming out that way. She yelled, "Why didn't you tell me it was hurting that much?" I just knew it was hurting; it didn't occur to me that there might be a reason. Anyway, he was born under a little stress because of that, and they were concerned because he didn't get his color right away. I guess it could have gone another way, but Orion was intended to live out his life. As easy as it would have been for him to slip back through the veil, he was determined to stick it out apparently.

Not only was he a little touch and go for a while, so was I. I started hemoraging (I don't know how to spell that, and I'm too lazy to look it up but not too lazy to type this explanation...) and passed out.

Somehow we survived all of that. Orion weighed in at 9 lb. 9 oz, and he was 23 inches tall. No wonder I felt like I was going to explode! I am way too short wasted for all these tall babies! We went home as soon as we were allowed to, and started enjoying the ride.

Orion was a good baby except that he wanted to eat every hour on the hour. He and Darius got along very well; Darius was at his birth, and I've wondered if they bonded then. At the time, Darius didn't seem all that impressed with this new little creature, but as the years went by, they were very close. As a matter of fact, I credit Orion with Darius' ability to ever read. He showed no interest in it until Orion started reading. Thank goodness for Orion, right?


One of the things I remembered this week that I hadn't thought about for awhile is how we used to read the Book of Mormon mastery scriptures everyday. Dorian was going to seminary, I think, so I was aware of the mastery scriptures, and I thought it would be good for the little boys to memorize them as Dorian was learning them. The one that I thought of this week was Moroni 10:4 - 5 where we are promised we can know the truth of all things by the power of the Holy Ghost. Orion loved He-man, a cartoon popular at the time. One of the things He-man would always say was "By the power of grayskull" and then he would perform some tremendous feat. The boys compared He-man and the power of grayskull to the power the Holy Ghost had to tell them things. It was quite comical, but it worked. They seemed to understand the concept.

Another thing I thought of this week was the time Orion was bitten by a dog while we were delivering welfare stuff to a family in our ward. I had the assignment while the RS president was out of town. We had been to this family's house many times, and the dogs seemed to know us, but there was something different this time. Orion was on the back of the truck wearing his red sweatpants. Maybe it was the red that got the dog fired up like they do the bulls with the bull fighters. Anyway, it came up behind the truck as we were pulling in, and took a bite out of him. I think he had on his usual two pairs of sweats (he got cold very easily), so the dog didn't do any damage, but it sure shook up the both of us. Again, quite comical in retrospect!

Orion's nickname was "possum". He looked like a marsupial baby as he was always connected to me in some way. It never really bothered me. He slept with us for a number of years until he was almost 4, and I can still remember how he felt snuggled into the small of my back. (Before you get all high and mighty and judge me for having my kids with me in our bed, please read the book Family Bed. I still think it is a wonderful way to rear children. I do not regret it for a moment.)

Even after the baby and toddler years, we were always close. While my other children lived their own lives, he always was a part of mine for some reason. It really seemed improbable that he would ever separate himself from us. He told us many times that if he ever did move out, he was going to live next door. We didn't hold out much hope of that, but we thought he would always be in our lives. Needless to say,it hasn't worked out that way, and I'm not sure how we're supposed to feel about that.

I understand how men are supposed to be united with their wife. I understand about apron strings being cut. I tried to rear all my children to be independent with varying degrees of success. I guess I didn't expect to be cut off completely from contact with them. Maybe that is the way it is supposed to be, but I don't think so. That is certainly not the pattern that is seen in the scriptures. I guess the hardest part is not understanding why there is such a discrepancy. If we had not been close in his earlier years, it would be easier to comprehend.

So, my memories this week of our wonderful times together have been muddled with my sorrow over a lost friend. Of all my children, he was the one that understood my trials and my troubles. He comforted me while the others didn't even know there were challenges. He talked through problems and difficulties. When he left, I lost my closest ally, and it has been most difficult.

This is not to say that Roger, my husband, is not my best friend. He is. But most women have a confidant besides their husband, and Orion was mine. He understood how I felt more than even Roger did even though he (Orion) was a child. I think a lot of that was because the gospel always came easier to him than it did anyone else I ever knew so that he had a more mature outlook on the things about which we talked. I have always worked through my problems from a gospel angle, so Orion's perspective matched this better than most people's.

I guess in looking back, maybe I should never have gotten that comfortable with him. Maybe I should have tried to keep my distance knowing that he would grow up and move away from us emotionally. I guess it is easy to see these things in hindsight.

Another memory we had of him this week was the time we were in a car accident when he was on his way to a performance for Showtime to which I didn't want him to go. He spent many months recuperating from that, and he missed a lot of activities. It happened on the day he graduated from high school. Both of us almost missed that one!

One summer prior to this, I broke my ankle. He stayed home from summer camp to stay with me so that Roger could work. The other boys, of course, went to their activities. That was a tremendous sacrifice for him, and I've always been grateful to him. (In contrast, one time when I broke my ankle I asked Darius to come drive me home as I couldn't drive right after the accident, and he said he couldn't because he was going to his friend's house! ARRRGH.) It's odd isn't it? Now Darius is the attentive one.


I look back over our years with Orion with nothing but good memories. He and Darius both provided us with a glimpse of heaven. We are so grateful we were able to have more children after our "stupid years". I hope he has a wonderful 27th year (starting tomorrow) and that he'll have at least a hundred more. He is so blessed to be the father of a wonderful baby girl this year, so he will always remember this year as a special one. Happy Birthday, Orion!