Raw Emotion

Before I get to my topic, I have to log why I am writing at 8:30 in the morning. I usually write in the evening after I have lived a day that needs to be recorded. But this time I lived some things during the night that I don't want to forget.

I was hoping to begin the recording of a new Spanish video yesterday, but my assistant was out of pocket so that will be put off until a more convenient time. I guess it was on my mind because all night I dreamed about utube postings I could put into the curriculum we already have. Lots of things are happening right now. I can hardly keep it all straight in my mind.

Thursday I wrote a curriculum for The Four Agreements. I've given it to Darius, Dorian, and Roger to proof for me to see if it is workable. Roger was pretty excited about it. I haven't heard from the others yet. I'm not even sure which course code I will give it yet.

I bought a copy of the book from Overstock.com, but of course, it hasn't arrived yet. I bought the audio CD at Borders yesterday, so I am hoping to be able to give the students an audio version of it. I think that might help them get through it better. Today's students do not like to read anything. I am hoping a curriculum like this can change their lives for good. I am wanting to be more proactive in making a difference with the students we are fortunate enough to be given. Lately I have been feeling it is time to break out a little.

I also ordered an audio of the 7 Habits for Teens by Sean Covey, the guru of 7 Habits Steven R's son. One of my students did it by accident, and it occurred to me that it might be more productive for them to do that than the adult version (I know, duh). Anyway, I've still got to get a copy of the book so we can write up the blue book for it. I don't know how closely it will model the adult portion.

I'm listening to John Mayer's Gravity; seemingly appropriate. "Gravity, stay the heck away from me...Keep me where the light is..." I don't want to be tied down to conventions right now. I am blinded by how much light there is... Well, back to my all night dream fest.

I was thinking that I could do u-tube postings for some of the areas with which the students have trouble. Several of these came to me in my dream like several English grammar concepts, some science (in fact, it just occurred to me this would be a good way to do some labs), some history shorts, and of course math concepts. Because our curriculums are already printed up, we could correct new printings of course, but just put printed up stickers with URL's of the availability of new material in the old books. (That even came to me in the dream...it was very thorough).

Because I do not want to bother Darius, my cam corder owner, each time I make up one of these, I have ordered web cams (for another purpose - my blog) which would be perfect for this. We would probably need the cam corder for the science labs, but for the explaining type shorts, the webcam would work ok I think.

I ordered 3 web cams so that Darius and Dorian would have one too. I am hoping to get everyone into the act, I guess. Usually the enthusiasm is one that my family members do not share, so we will see if I hit the jackpot with this one. There is a program called http://www.scype.com/ that enables anyone who has the program to communicate as if on a telephone conversation via mics I assume. If you have webcams you can communicate via pictures as well. That is why I got 3 of them so we could try it out. This would be an additional way to help students out. If they downloaded the program, even if they didn't have a webcam, they could watch me work a problem out for them or whatever.

Anyway, the point being, there are a lot of exciting things happening. Nuff said.

Now onto the important business of the day: Raw emotion.

I notice this more as I observe Roger although it of course applies to me as well. It is just easier for me to see in Roger. After we had had a particularly good raw day without any of our addictive substances, Roger was getting a little edgy. He wanted some "bad" food, but was holding back, but he was very irritable. Since we have been doing the raw diet, I have been noticing how obnoxious he has been, and that night was the first time I put the two together. That whole concept was kind of bothering me: after all, the whole point of this is to become better, not worse. Self improvement is the whole point, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. So what's the deal?

I think the addiction concept is the whole point. I was thinking of what I know about addiction both personally and from observation. We even see a lot of it in the media. It is normal for addicts to have a rough time coming off their drug of choice. That is the whole point of the drug in fact: to smother emotions and uncomfortable thoughts. "My mom hates me therefore if I use I will not have to deal with this emotion." Without the drug, one if forced to deal with the emotion. One of the most interesting observations I made when attending some AA meetings was that the alcoholics all drank tons of coffee (caffeine) and the rooms were filled with smoke (indicating a use of nicotine). They were substituting the effects of alcohol for other drugs that were not as effective, but they helped a little.

I remembered when my father died. He had had a lifetime of addiction. He had only been free of the addictive substances when he became comotose due to how far his illness had destroyed him. As I sat with him the last 12 hours of his life, I became aware through the holy spirit that he was reliving all the emotions he had smothered with the addictive substances. He was required to experience them before he could pass on. This is one of the requirements of this life: we are required to live it! If we bypass this step temporarily, we must make an accounting before we can progress. At the time I did not undertand all of this, but over the years since he has passed away, the memory of it is just as clear as the day I was there, and the lesson I was learning has been more and more impressed into my mind. It came back to me very clearly yesterday as I was again pondering the effects of the raw diet on our emotions.

Roger and I had a particularly emotional day on Thursday, one which resolved (if that is the right word) with a huge fight where we were not speaking for several hours. Finally yesterday we were able to talk through it. I shared with him my "raw emotion" theory: all of our lives we have been stuffing our emotions with food (both our particular drug of choice - believe me, I have tried them all, and this one works best for me as I like to play it safe hahahaha). (Actually, caffeine works best for me as I can use that and not have the weight gain side effect, but I've already shared my experience about that with you.)

50+ years is a long time to use. Most drug addicts don't have that kind of history. It is going to take a while to break through this. We can both trace times into our childhood when our drug of choice served us very well helping us avoid dealing with emotional issues.

It has been found that the reason cooked food is so addicting is that it contains opiates. In fact, mother's milk even has this substance which guarantees the infant's survival as he/she requires more of it. You can watch a baby nursing and witness his/her instant relaxation as the opiates start flowing through his/her little body. They become almost comotose and fall asleep sometimes before the meal is finished. This certainly explains why weaning is such a difficult process.

In the natural world, an infant receives this during the time when the nutritional needs are greater than effect of the opiate, and as he/she is weaned, it is expected that the child will get it's nutritional needs from the natural plants and trees growing around him/her. Of course, they will have to cut off their dependence on the opiate, and anyone who has weaned a child will testify that this is not an easy thing. Sometimes in our world, this is not as obvious, because children are given cow's milk and breads which keep the opiate in their system. They are never given the opportunity to break free of the addiction. More information about this can be found in 12 Steps to Raw Food.

So where does that leave us highly addicted individuals who are trying to break free?

(An aside based on a song I am listening to: Imagine there's no heaven. Easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us only sky. Imagine all the people living for today. Imagine there's no country. It isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for. And no religion too. Imagine all the people living for life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer. but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us and the world will live as one. Imagine all possessions. I wonder if you can. No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people sharing all the world. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one; I hope someday you'll join us and the world will live as one. You know, John Lennon was thought to be a communist after this song came out, but it is really the United Order more than it is communism. When we are living on the earth during the millenium there will be no heaven above us or hell below us as we will be living with Christ. That will be our heaven. If we live our lives right now, our heaven is here. He wasn't as far off as all his enemies thought him to be.)

Isn't that why we fall into the addictive practices? Everyone is vying for that upper ground. We all have to compete for our position whether it is in our family, our school, our work... the drugs help us cope. If the competitive element is removed, we at least, don't have to deal with that part of it.

You can see I don't have this all figured out yet, and I don't expect I will for a very long time. However, I know for now that this is a difficult process. I think the realization of what is going on makes it easier to deal with. I have broken through addiction before, and I know I can again. One of the points Roger made yesterday as we discussed it is that normally we have to have something with which to replace the addiction much like the AA participants do. When I gave up the caffeine, I still had the food to fall back on. Oftentimes I have witnessed weight watchers get into the diet coke syndrome when they couldn't have their food. What happens when there isn't anymore? A lot of raw fooders start exercising heavily. I believe this is because the endorphins produced help them get through the addiction.

Is there ever a point when we can give all the addictions up? When we exercise normally, not to excess, through the work we do in the course of the day (producing some of our own food, etc.)? I can't answer that, but my experience with my father tells me that we are expected to, now or later. This is part of the human experience. It is a requirement. That is where I am setting my sights. In the mean time, I am going to be gritting my teeth a little.

I have decided to do an extended juice fast. (http://www.juicefeasting.com/ and http://www.globaljuicefeast.com/ ) to help me get through this. Cold turkey (pardon the expression).

I believe the extended fast (or feast as they prefer to call it) will help me clear all the addictive substances out of my body so that I can begin anew. It is a very scary thing, but I am very brave hahahahaha. I'll keep you posted.