Brooklyn Comes to Florida

I finally figured out how to get pictures from my phone to a computer file so that I could put them in my blog! I don't think the way I did it is the easiest, but at least it worked. This is a photo Orion sent me on my phone of their new baby daughter, Brooklyn. She was born on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 about 1:00 p.m. She weighed in at 9 lb. 3 oz., and she was 20 inches long. (I think all of that is correct. I didn't write it down, so I hope I didn't mess it up. I can always edit later, right?)

We got to see her the next day, and she is still adapting to her strange new environment. Whenever I see a new baby, all I can think about is how terrified I was everytime I took one of my new babies home, and how frightened I was. The memory of the terror has never gone away. Of course, I relaxed after I was into it a couple of days, but I can never forget the fear. It is interesting because now I am totally relaxed around babies when they are not mine. It was definately the fear of the responsibility I felt at having the stewardship over this new spirit. I was horrified that I would screw it up. Still am.

Welcome, Brooklyn. May you have a wonderful life full of the experiences that you will need to return to your Heavenly Home. I hope and pray I can at least watch from the sidelines, and that I will always do those things would edify your life in the ways I am able. I am not feeling particularly capable right now in that capacity. The time we are spending with our other grandchildren has not been very rewarding. They are not very happy spending time with us. I guess we are not willing to sacrifice enough. Jac told me one of the last times I talked with her that I was not a very good grandmother as I did not focus enough on the grandchildren. Maybe she was right.

Right now, running away looks like a brilliant solution. There were some folks we met when we were working at the temple who had an RV. They just drove from temple to temple serving 6 months at a time at different temples. It seemed so strange at the time, but right now it is very appealing. I think it is the "having your problems in your face all the time" that makes them difficult. The problems don't go away, but they are not nearly so pressing if you don't have to deal with them constantly.

I was thinking about this whole blog thing after Darius texted yesterday that he was worried about me based on the previous blog entry. It is so public. I journaled for many years, and that was very private. I think this is more healing if I force myself to be honest. Of course, the temptation is there to not be honest, but honesty is so difficult to determine anyway. Even when journaling, the fear is always there that your progenitures might read this someday, and oh my, what will they think???? Not ever being one to care much what others think, I have always worried about what my children would think. I always wanted to be a good example to them and worried that some of my mistakes would be taken as liberties that they could take that would render them as messed up as I was. All a generation can hope for is that the next one will be an improvement. While that wouldn't be that difficult to come up with in our case, one has to wonder what kind of legacy they will leave their children and their children's children. I am starting to see a lot of my faults in a different light, and where I once had hope, I am beginning to lose it. I don't have a whole lot of time to make the changes I had hoped would come by now. I feel like I need some time to think and ponder where my life is going.

Depression and Discouragement

I have been thinking a lot about these two things lately. I realized today that my blog is a reflection of my personal progress in these areas. When I am depressed or discouraged I do not record any of my feelings. When I am on one of my manic highs, I record thoughts and inspirations. I probably need to be writing more during the low times, but who wants to read that junk anyway?!

I truly know the secrets to life are easy: eat a raw, vegan diet, get out in the sunshine every day, get some exercise every day, take time to meditate / pray / ponder every day, and surround ourselves with loving, positive people.

Could someone please tell me why living that way is so darned hard? I am convinced there are powers that be that do not want me to be successful. Or maybe I am just my own worst enemy. I am so tired of negative energy. I am getting too old to keep moving in the opposite direction.

An observation I made when I was into my juice feast a couple of weeks was that I was actually going in the opposite direction of my age. Although my timeline was continuing in the positive direction, my body health was in a better place than it had ever been even when I was very young (since my younger years were not filled with very much healthful living). When I am not living healthfully, my body seems to drive itself very strongly into the aging arena while healthful living moves just as powerfully in the opposite direction.

I have been reading about positive self-talk and so forth. I do not think my brain is capable of this. Maybe it is, but I have not been able to do it. I think I am too full of the opposite kind.

I am very discouraged and depressed about some personal issues in my life that are proving to be very counter-productive in my physical life. I do not know how to overcome these things so that they are not personally destructive. For the first time in my life, I am actually considering counseling although I have never seen this to have a positive influence in anyone's life. I also need something that will work a little faster than the years and years therapy takes.

If it sounds like I am drawing at straws, I would say that is an accurate depiction of my state of mind right now. I feel like I need to somehow get centered to gather my positive energy. I am very discouraged right now as I do not see how the personal issues will be resolved except by some major miracles. I'm not even believing that miracles are possible right now in these circumstances. Somehow I must learn to get control of myself even if the outside influences are NOT right and have no hope of being right. Perhaps I need to be more grateful for the things that are good.

There is Beauty All Around

We completed graduation last night. Traditionally we all go out as family afterwards for a big barbeque supper, Dorian was disappointed that we would not be doing that. We did take him and the kids to Taco Bell. Darius and Alicia went to Publix to get some watermelon bowls. Lucky them. Roger, who is doing mostly raw, had a chicken bowl without the chicken, and one of their new fruit smoothie drinks (which is probably loaded with sugar), and I had water. I had no time during the day to prepare extra juices with the preparations necessary for graduation. Water is not so bad. I had what I would consider true hunger pains about 9 p.m., but they soon passed. I was too exhausted when we finally got home to burden my body with the digestion of even juice.

I am still having some congestion, but not anything too critical. The itching has stopped for the time being as well.

I am still amazed I am on a journey with no solid foods. I realize I am not doing the program as it is supposed to be done, and I hope that I will be able to get better with that. I realize I will be more successful the more I do implement it, but I don't know how to organize my time to look out for myself. It is a very foreign concept. This experience is helping me to learn that. Even forcing myself to do this is very hard, but it is helping me with insights that will hopefully improve my overall level of success.

We got to the graduation site early as I had scheduled some time at the beauty shop at 3:00. She couldn't do a later appointment, so I knew there would be some dead time. We used that to walk around the Ravines for about 40 minutes. It was a nice way to calm ourselves from all the hustle and bustle of preparing and packing for graduation. It was a beautiful day. There are no azaleas like in the photo at this time of year, but there is plenty of greenery. We saw a banana tree with bananas on it! I don't have too many opportunities to go outside, but I love it. I would like to do that more.

Today we were asked to put on one of our food storage programs like we used to do when we were serving as missionaries. A little out of our league now, we will do the best we can with what we have now. I believe the church's emphasis about long term storage is a lot more realistic especially in my circumstances. Should fresh vegetables and fruits not be available, we will have to fall back on stored grains. The Word of Wisdom says they should be our staff which indicates to me it is a crutch for when optimal foods are not available. I believe this is the pattern for all human eating. During famines, mankind would have to rely on grains. Unfortunately, much of the world is in a famine-like state much of the time due to climatic conditions, etc. We tend to think all the world has always been as it is now. A lot of it is because people have gotten away from the concept that they must till the ground for their food. They are relying on grain sources because it is easier than the day-to-day grind for fresh fruits and vegetables. The production of grain is more labor intensive, but when it is mechanized, we can buy large portions that last a long time. Vegetables and fruits require a constant vigil. Isn't that what we were told in the Garden of Eden: By the sweat of our brow would we produce our food? We must think of our whole continuum and where we are going with it.

It's Always Something!

Well, the sinus congestion cleared up, but I had an horrendous outbreak of itching last night which I assume is candida related. I was hoping that would go away by now.

I had to travel and went to where I knew there was a juice bar only to find out it closed 7 minutes before I got there (at 6:07). I guess not too many people in the big metropolis of Jacksonville have juice for their dinner. They weren't too sympathetic and offered me some bottled juice. They knew of no other juice bars naturally. I know there is one downtown, but I don't know how to get there.

Anyway, I bought a smoothie at Tropical Smoothie. The clerk said it had lime juice, orange juice, strawberries, and pineapple in it. They also add a sugar to it which she said they could leave out. I only drank a little bit as it was definately inferior to what I had been drinking for the previous 2 weeks. I was surprised to be that sensitive to it, so it was good for me to experience that. I just drank water for the rest of the night. I have to be better prepared, but it is difficult when we're not feeling well.

I am finding myself somewhat frustrated that I have been duped all of my life about what foods are nutritious. Of course, I grew up in the days BEFORE the food pyramid, and as bad as that is, it is no where as unbalanced as what I heard all my life. I spent many years at weight watchers hearing how many proteins were needed each day and forcefeeding skim milk. I can't believe how much ignorance is in the world all for the sake of the dollar. It is truly cutthroat to tell people that they have to have dairy products, for example, when it is obvious they are killing all of us. I am having some resentment about this, so I need to switch up my attitude to be more positive.

Today is Deseret Academy graduation, so I'd better get busy.

Wow, a True Healing Crisis

Wow, I had a rough 24 hours, but I am feeling much better although worn out by the whole ordeal.

It started as a sore throat that lasted about 6 hours, and then I moved into the sniffles. I was feeling extremely tired by 4:00 last evening, so I went to bed. Resting, I was awakened frequently with extreme pain in my sinus cavities, and in other internal body parts. When I got up this morning, I didn't feel much better, but as the day has worn on, I have definately gotten through the worst of it.

I was very surprised by all of it. I think it is the first time I have ever experienced a true healing crisis. I have had many times I was sick as my body determined to get rid of things it could not bear any longer, but they have been disease crisis situations.

All I could think about was how wonderful it was to rid my body of whatever it was getting rid of. I wonder if the body stores up toxins produced by viruses and such. I wish I understood the whole process better. My next thoughts were of how disgusted I was that I had done these things to my body through neglect of proper natural hygiene, particularly in the path of healthy eating habits. It is truly wonderful to be given a second chance.

I found it interesting that I only wanted to drink water most of the day yesterday and into today. Even juice seemed more of an effort than my body wanted to invest in digesting. I am learning to become more intuitive about what I need. As I was going through the pain, I kept reminding myself that I could trust my body to do what needed to be done. I believe it did that!

One of the things I find truly wonderful about juicefeasting.com and other raw food movements is how young its participants are. I hope you appreciate how fortunate you are to be beginning these things at your young age. In case you haven't noticed, there aren't too many of us old folks involved in it; I guess it is hard for us to accept that there might be a different and better way to do things than we have always thought. Of course, there are some in the movement who picked up on it years ago when it wasn't the popular thing to do. I have known many of these concepts for 30 years plus, but have been unable to adopt them into my lifestyle until now.

You'll notice a new addition (hopefully) today: a video. I heard about this new gadget called the Flip video which is much less expensive than a camcorder and more portable. We'll see how it goes.

Day 17 Healing Crisis

Day 17 Posted May 15, 2008

Angela Stokes makes a comment on Day 18 about how amazing it really is to have a day 18, and I think she is right. We get so carried away with the day to day getting it done stuff that we forget that collectively it is quite an accomplishment. Of course, those of you on day 70 are finding that quite humorous, but I think you know what I mean. If 18 days is an accomplishment, 70 is that 3 1/2 times greater! One foot in front of the other though, right?

I'm still having sniffles and congestion. I had this when I first started the juice feast, and here it is again. I was thinking about the 120 days to a day ratio, and that would put me in 2002. I used to get really sick right after Christmas every year back in those days before I made more of an effort to be healthy, so I'm wondering if I have to detox from every episode. I was sick in January of this year, so I'm figuring that was the stuff I had at the beginning. I wonder what is accomplished through the additional "remembering". Is it the body's way of eliminating virus' that embedded themself or what? I'd like to know how all of that works.

I've also been wondering about how the body eliminates fat reserves. There are a lot of opinions on this , but I don't know how many are substantiated in science. I think I'll try to check out Dr. Graham's forums for an answer. He has more science in his pinky than most people have in their whole lab.

Making Time for what's important

Day 16 Posted May 13, 2008

Last night I started feeling a little rough, and that has continued into today. I have not been around anyone who is sick to my knowledge, so I am guessing this is some kind of cleansing reaction in which case it shouldn't be very long-lived. Perhaps the master cleanser drink (1/3 cup lemon juice, 1/3 cup honey mixed with quart of water and cayenne pepper sprinkled in) has kicked the cleansing into a higher gear.

I bought some cilantro at Native Sun the other day for my drinks, and I never realized how strong flavored it is. Wow. I think I like it though, but I might cut back to 1/4 a bunch instead of a half the next time I use it.

I forgot to mention yesterday that we saw Iron Man over the weekend, and he drinks a green drink to help him rebuild after he escapes as a prisoner of war in the Middle East. We suspected he also was drinking wheat grass juice out of his cappacino cup, but that is unsubstantiated. The green drink we know. The nasty looking cup is a dead giveaway! How cool is that???

Graduation is this Friday for Deseret Academy (the school my family and I operate for students who want to earn their diploma through a home school program), and I am up to my eyeballs trying to get everything ready for it.

My mom called today to let me know she wants to have my brother's birthday party here on the weekend, and the refreshments are to be all raw including a cake. I told her there were plenty of dessert type offerings, but a cake, no. I was pretty surprised he'd want that for his birthday, but I guess he's up for something different. I knew if he tried it, he would be intrigued by it even if he doesn't want to do it for life (wihich I hope he will). He is trained as a chef, so we are hoping he will be a raw chef. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I like to write the blog after I listen to the David and Katrina video, but I see it is on walking (exercise), so I'll close now as I don't expect to be particularly inspired. I know I should get out there every day, but I am always surprised at how many other things get in the way. On my way out to the garden today (you may recall that was a goal I talked about yesterday) the phone rang about 5 times all with little "assignments" that needed to be taken care of. Needless to say, I never got out there yet. (I will though as I've used up all my parsley and must have it for my green drink later.) I really would like to have more control of what I do in my life and when I do it. Next to my food choices, I would say the lack of time management has the next most detrimental effect on my life. I think the 90+ days we do this will help me unclog my life as well as my body.

Actually, after listening to their video I was inspired with something that was said about it being important to walk because we need to be outside connecting with nature. I need to look at walking as a form of meditation, not exercise.

Yesterday, I got in my 4 quarts! Yay!