Brooklyn Comes to Florida

I finally figured out how to get pictures from my phone to a computer file so that I could put them in my blog! I don't think the way I did it is the easiest, but at least it worked. This is a photo Orion sent me on my phone of their new baby daughter, Brooklyn. She was born on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 about 1:00 p.m. She weighed in at 9 lb. 3 oz., and she was 20 inches long. (I think all of that is correct. I didn't write it down, so I hope I didn't mess it up. I can always edit later, right?)

We got to see her the next day, and she is still adapting to her strange new environment. Whenever I see a new baby, all I can think about is how terrified I was everytime I took one of my new babies home, and how frightened I was. The memory of the terror has never gone away. Of course, I relaxed after I was into it a couple of days, but I can never forget the fear. It is interesting because now I am totally relaxed around babies when they are not mine. It was definately the fear of the responsibility I felt at having the stewardship over this new spirit. I was horrified that I would screw it up. Still am.

Welcome, Brooklyn. May you have a wonderful life full of the experiences that you will need to return to your Heavenly Home. I hope and pray I can at least watch from the sidelines, and that I will always do those things would edify your life in the ways I am able. I am not feeling particularly capable right now in that capacity. The time we are spending with our other grandchildren has not been very rewarding. They are not very happy spending time with us. I guess we are not willing to sacrifice enough. Jac told me one of the last times I talked with her that I was not a very good grandmother as I did not focus enough on the grandchildren. Maybe she was right.

Right now, running away looks like a brilliant solution. There were some folks we met when we were working at the temple who had an RV. They just drove from temple to temple serving 6 months at a time at different temples. It seemed so strange at the time, but right now it is very appealing. I think it is the "having your problems in your face all the time" that makes them difficult. The problems don't go away, but they are not nearly so pressing if you don't have to deal with them constantly.

I was thinking about this whole blog thing after Darius texted yesterday that he was worried about me based on the previous blog entry. It is so public. I journaled for many years, and that was very private. I think this is more healing if I force myself to be honest. Of course, the temptation is there to not be honest, but honesty is so difficult to determine anyway. Even when journaling, the fear is always there that your progenitures might read this someday, and oh my, what will they think???? Not ever being one to care much what others think, I have always worried about what my children would think. I always wanted to be a good example to them and worried that some of my mistakes would be taken as liberties that they could take that would render them as messed up as I was. All a generation can hope for is that the next one will be an improvement. While that wouldn't be that difficult to come up with in our case, one has to wonder what kind of legacy they will leave their children and their children's children. I am starting to see a lot of my faults in a different light, and where I once had hope, I am beginning to lose it. I don't have a whole lot of time to make the changes I had hoped would come by now. I feel like I need some time to think and ponder where my life is going.

Depression and Discouragement

I have been thinking a lot about these two things lately. I realized today that my blog is a reflection of my personal progress in these areas. When I am depressed or discouraged I do not record any of my feelings. When I am on one of my manic highs, I record thoughts and inspirations. I probably need to be writing more during the low times, but who wants to read that junk anyway?!

I truly know the secrets to life are easy: eat a raw, vegan diet, get out in the sunshine every day, get some exercise every day, take time to meditate / pray / ponder every day, and surround ourselves with loving, positive people.

Could someone please tell me why living that way is so darned hard? I am convinced there are powers that be that do not want me to be successful. Or maybe I am just my own worst enemy. I am so tired of negative energy. I am getting too old to keep moving in the opposite direction.

An observation I made when I was into my juice feast a couple of weeks was that I was actually going in the opposite direction of my age. Although my timeline was continuing in the positive direction, my body health was in a better place than it had ever been even when I was very young (since my younger years were not filled with very much healthful living). When I am not living healthfully, my body seems to drive itself very strongly into the aging arena while healthful living moves just as powerfully in the opposite direction.

I have been reading about positive self-talk and so forth. I do not think my brain is capable of this. Maybe it is, but I have not been able to do it. I think I am too full of the opposite kind.

I am very discouraged and depressed about some personal issues in my life that are proving to be very counter-productive in my physical life. I do not know how to overcome these things so that they are not personally destructive. For the first time in my life, I am actually considering counseling although I have never seen this to have a positive influence in anyone's life. I also need something that will work a little faster than the years and years therapy takes.

If it sounds like I am drawing at straws, I would say that is an accurate depiction of my state of mind right now. I feel like I need to somehow get centered to gather my positive energy. I am very discouraged right now as I do not see how the personal issues will be resolved except by some major miracles. I'm not even believing that miracles are possible right now in these circumstances. Somehow I must learn to get control of myself even if the outside influences are NOT right and have no hope of being right. Perhaps I need to be more grateful for the things that are good.

There is Beauty All Around

We completed graduation last night. Traditionally we all go out as family afterwards for a big barbeque supper, Dorian was disappointed that we would not be doing that. We did take him and the kids to Taco Bell. Darius and Alicia went to Publix to get some watermelon bowls. Lucky them. Roger, who is doing mostly raw, had a chicken bowl without the chicken, and one of their new fruit smoothie drinks (which is probably loaded with sugar), and I had water. I had no time during the day to prepare extra juices with the preparations necessary for graduation. Water is not so bad. I had what I would consider true hunger pains about 9 p.m., but they soon passed. I was too exhausted when we finally got home to burden my body with the digestion of even juice.

I am still having some congestion, but not anything too critical. The itching has stopped for the time being as well.

I am still amazed I am on a journey with no solid foods. I realize I am not doing the program as it is supposed to be done, and I hope that I will be able to get better with that. I realize I will be more successful the more I do implement it, but I don't know how to organize my time to look out for myself. It is a very foreign concept. This experience is helping me to learn that. Even forcing myself to do this is very hard, but it is helping me with insights that will hopefully improve my overall level of success.

We got to the graduation site early as I had scheduled some time at the beauty shop at 3:00. She couldn't do a later appointment, so I knew there would be some dead time. We used that to walk around the Ravines for about 40 minutes. It was a nice way to calm ourselves from all the hustle and bustle of preparing and packing for graduation. It was a beautiful day. There are no azaleas like in the photo at this time of year, but there is plenty of greenery. We saw a banana tree with bananas on it! I don't have too many opportunities to go outside, but I love it. I would like to do that more.

Today we were asked to put on one of our food storage programs like we used to do when we were serving as missionaries. A little out of our league now, we will do the best we can with what we have now. I believe the church's emphasis about long term storage is a lot more realistic especially in my circumstances. Should fresh vegetables and fruits not be available, we will have to fall back on stored grains. The Word of Wisdom says they should be our staff which indicates to me it is a crutch for when optimal foods are not available. I believe this is the pattern for all human eating. During famines, mankind would have to rely on grains. Unfortunately, much of the world is in a famine-like state much of the time due to climatic conditions, etc. We tend to think all the world has always been as it is now. A lot of it is because people have gotten away from the concept that they must till the ground for their food. They are relying on grain sources because it is easier than the day-to-day grind for fresh fruits and vegetables. The production of grain is more labor intensive, but when it is mechanized, we can buy large portions that last a long time. Vegetables and fruits require a constant vigil. Isn't that what we were told in the Garden of Eden: By the sweat of our brow would we produce our food? We must think of our whole continuum and where we are going with it.

It's Always Something!

Well, the sinus congestion cleared up, but I had an horrendous outbreak of itching last night which I assume is candida related. I was hoping that would go away by now.

I had to travel and went to where I knew there was a juice bar only to find out it closed 7 minutes before I got there (at 6:07). I guess not too many people in the big metropolis of Jacksonville have juice for their dinner. They weren't too sympathetic and offered me some bottled juice. They knew of no other juice bars naturally. I know there is one downtown, but I don't know how to get there.

Anyway, I bought a smoothie at Tropical Smoothie. The clerk said it had lime juice, orange juice, strawberries, and pineapple in it. They also add a sugar to it which she said they could leave out. I only drank a little bit as it was definately inferior to what I had been drinking for the previous 2 weeks. I was surprised to be that sensitive to it, so it was good for me to experience that. I just drank water for the rest of the night. I have to be better prepared, but it is difficult when we're not feeling well.

I am finding myself somewhat frustrated that I have been duped all of my life about what foods are nutritious. Of course, I grew up in the days BEFORE the food pyramid, and as bad as that is, it is no where as unbalanced as what I heard all my life. I spent many years at weight watchers hearing how many proteins were needed each day and forcefeeding skim milk. I can't believe how much ignorance is in the world all for the sake of the dollar. It is truly cutthroat to tell people that they have to have dairy products, for example, when it is obvious they are killing all of us. I am having some resentment about this, so I need to switch up my attitude to be more positive.

Today is Deseret Academy graduation, so I'd better get busy.

Wow, a True Healing Crisis

Wow, I had a rough 24 hours, but I am feeling much better although worn out by the whole ordeal.

It started as a sore throat that lasted about 6 hours, and then I moved into the sniffles. I was feeling extremely tired by 4:00 last evening, so I went to bed. Resting, I was awakened frequently with extreme pain in my sinus cavities, and in other internal body parts. When I got up this morning, I didn't feel much better, but as the day has worn on, I have definately gotten through the worst of it.

I was very surprised by all of it. I think it is the first time I have ever experienced a true healing crisis. I have had many times I was sick as my body determined to get rid of things it could not bear any longer, but they have been disease crisis situations.

All I could think about was how wonderful it was to rid my body of whatever it was getting rid of. I wonder if the body stores up toxins produced by viruses and such. I wish I understood the whole process better. My next thoughts were of how disgusted I was that I had done these things to my body through neglect of proper natural hygiene, particularly in the path of healthy eating habits. It is truly wonderful to be given a second chance.

I found it interesting that I only wanted to drink water most of the day yesterday and into today. Even juice seemed more of an effort than my body wanted to invest in digesting. I am learning to become more intuitive about what I need. As I was going through the pain, I kept reminding myself that I could trust my body to do what needed to be done. I believe it did that!

One of the things I find truly wonderful about juicefeasting.com and other raw food movements is how young its participants are. I hope you appreciate how fortunate you are to be beginning these things at your young age. In case you haven't noticed, there aren't too many of us old folks involved in it; I guess it is hard for us to accept that there might be a different and better way to do things than we have always thought. Of course, there are some in the movement who picked up on it years ago when it wasn't the popular thing to do. I have known many of these concepts for 30 years plus, but have been unable to adopt them into my lifestyle until now.

You'll notice a new addition (hopefully) today: a video. I heard about this new gadget called the Flip video which is much less expensive than a camcorder and more portable. We'll see how it goes.

Day 17 Healing Crisis

Day 17 Posted May 15, 2008

Angela Stokes makes a comment on Day 18 about how amazing it really is to have a day 18, and I think she is right. We get so carried away with the day to day getting it done stuff that we forget that collectively it is quite an accomplishment. Of course, those of you on day 70 are finding that quite humorous, but I think you know what I mean. If 18 days is an accomplishment, 70 is that 3 1/2 times greater! One foot in front of the other though, right?

I'm still having sniffles and congestion. I had this when I first started the juice feast, and here it is again. I was thinking about the 120 days to a day ratio, and that would put me in 2002. I used to get really sick right after Christmas every year back in those days before I made more of an effort to be healthy, so I'm wondering if I have to detox from every episode. I was sick in January of this year, so I'm figuring that was the stuff I had at the beginning. I wonder what is accomplished through the additional "remembering". Is it the body's way of eliminating virus' that embedded themself or what? I'd like to know how all of that works.

I've also been wondering about how the body eliminates fat reserves. There are a lot of opinions on this , but I don't know how many are substantiated in science. I think I'll try to check out Dr. Graham's forums for an answer. He has more science in his pinky than most people have in their whole lab.

Making Time for what's important

Day 16 Posted May 13, 2008

Last night I started feeling a little rough, and that has continued into today. I have not been around anyone who is sick to my knowledge, so I am guessing this is some kind of cleansing reaction in which case it shouldn't be very long-lived. Perhaps the master cleanser drink (1/3 cup lemon juice, 1/3 cup honey mixed with quart of water and cayenne pepper sprinkled in) has kicked the cleansing into a higher gear.

I bought some cilantro at Native Sun the other day for my drinks, and I never realized how strong flavored it is. Wow. I think I like it though, but I might cut back to 1/4 a bunch instead of a half the next time I use it.

I forgot to mention yesterday that we saw Iron Man over the weekend, and he drinks a green drink to help him rebuild after he escapes as a prisoner of war in the Middle East. We suspected he also was drinking wheat grass juice out of his cappacino cup, but that is unsubstantiated. The green drink we know. The nasty looking cup is a dead giveaway! How cool is that???

Graduation is this Friday for Deseret Academy (the school my family and I operate for students who want to earn their diploma through a home school program), and I am up to my eyeballs trying to get everything ready for it.

My mom called today to let me know she wants to have my brother's birthday party here on the weekend, and the refreshments are to be all raw including a cake. I told her there were plenty of dessert type offerings, but a cake, no. I was pretty surprised he'd want that for his birthday, but I guess he's up for something different. I knew if he tried it, he would be intrigued by it even if he doesn't want to do it for life (wihich I hope he will). He is trained as a chef, so we are hoping he will be a raw chef. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I like to write the blog after I listen to the David and Katrina video, but I see it is on walking (exercise), so I'll close now as I don't expect to be particularly inspired. I know I should get out there every day, but I am always surprised at how many other things get in the way. On my way out to the garden today (you may recall that was a goal I talked about yesterday) the phone rang about 5 times all with little "assignments" that needed to be taken care of. Needless to say, I never got out there yet. (I will though as I've used up all my parsley and must have it for my green drink later.) I really would like to have more control of what I do in my life and when I do it. Next to my food choices, I would say the lack of time management has the next most detrimental effect on my life. I think the 90+ days we do this will help me unclog my life as well as my body.

Actually, after listening to their video I was inspired with something that was said about it being important to walk because we need to be outside connecting with nature. I need to look at walking as a form of meditation, not exercise.

Yesterday, I got in my 4 quarts! Yay!

2 Weeks into it - Can you believe it?

Day 15 (+13 & 14) Posted May 12, 2008

I regret that I couldn't write the other 2 days as the last couple of days have been full of awakenings i am anxious to record.

Primarily, I had a "duh" moment when I realized my cravings would likely be with me forever just as my cravings are still with me for the caffeine I used to drink before giving up coffee and tea in September of 1976. While it's not an every minute of every day thing, it is there. My reasons for abandoning coffee and tea were spiritual, (I joined the Church 10 Sept 1976), so I had increased incentive to stick with it, and did. Later when I gave up all caffenated beverages as recorded earlier in the blog, it was again only a spiritual motivation that allowed me to stick it out. Since my main purpose in juice feasting is to overcome my addiction to fat and cooked foods, I realized on day 13 I would have to have a spiritual motivation for this success as well. Not only that, I would have to be truly convinced that it was the right thing for me to do. Intellectually, I know it, but for me, it has to go deeper.

Yesterday being Mother's Day was entered into with a little bit of intrepidation. I ended up preparing 4 sets of meals. The first was a cooked food meal for Dorian and his children who want nothing to do with health foods. After it was prepared, I found out he wasn't coming until later, so his children, who had spent the night, ate. We put it all away, then dragged it out again when he got there. Then Darius and Alicia came and we enjoyed a savory juice together: tomatoes, onion, spinach, parsley, red pepper, carrot, and sol. After that, my mom came over after work with Jaray. They are attempting vegetarianism, so I fixed them a salad and they also had some leftever dessert from Dorian's dinner. It was a little unsettling since things are so different this year for us. We all have a difficult time dealing with holidays now anyway, and juice feasting did not help that except I was more relaxed and at peace with the fact that things will never be as they once were.

The awakening that I had was that if you have raw foods and even juice available, people who don't normally eat this way will partake. (Remember Field of Dreams)? Dorian and Wyatt both requested some of my grapefruit /tangerine blend juice, and I was truly grateful to see mom and Jaray eating salads for dinner. Sometimes little things are important.

As for day 15, I still can't believe I am here. I started to say, it is becoming more real, but I don't think it is. It still seems like a dream. I can't believe all the things I am learning; I really did not know there were that many things left to learn!

Last week, I lost 1 1/2 pounds. I quit weighing in the middle of week and decided to do a weekly weigh-in. I was gaining a pound a day, and I knew if I kept weighing it would freak me out. I also knew that if I kept doing what I was supposed to do, I would lose what I need to. I would have expected to lose more than 1 1/2 pounds, but added to the 8 1/2 from the first week, it makes for 5 lbs a week on the average. I am still having hydration issues, so I'm sure I will not start to see realistic weight changes until that gets resolved.

Juice wise, I read the Master Cleanser by Burroughs over the weekend as I have been intrigued by that, so I am going to try a couple of these each day complemented by a couple of juices. I will probably do a complete master cleanse during the course of this juice feast, but not right now.

I have also set a goal to spend more time in my garden, a few minutes each day. Today I harvested about half a dozen onions. I am trying to get watermelons, cantaloupe, tomatoes, and cucumbers, but it is early for them yet. The onions were a winter crop along with greens that are done and some parsley and fennel that is still going strong. I have a goal to produce as much of our food as possible.

Another thing I have observed is the need I have to clean up my life. Each day I see more and more ways in which my life in cluttered that is no longer acceptable. What a nice side benefit.

Days 11 & 12 revisited

Day 12 (+ 11) Posted May 9, 2008

I thought I was in a habit of recording everyday, but yesterday was such a feeling crummy day that writing seemed a waste of time. Not that it would have been, but in my mind, I could see no good in anything.

This memory of the cells thing. As we regress we live through emotional upsets, etc. I don't recall feeling as down as I did yesterday, so I wonder if the brain dumps a bunch at once like it does in the bowel. I knew it was temporary, but it still sucked.

For the first time ever, I was able to say, "I'm not having a very good day. Can you just leave me alone?" instead of reacting to verbal stimuli in a negative way. I just stayed quiet and became aware of riding the emotional wave until it had run its course. This was also a first for me.
Previously I stuffed such demons with some mind-altering comfort food. What a wonderful experience (even though I felt like crap).

Of course, the wonderful juices got me through it. I read a couple of blog journals, the day of whatever I am on, and I noticed several others were doing some emotional dumping at about the same time. I think I saw somewhere a timeline of what to expect, but I can't remember where that is.

I love the freedom of drinking juices. I'm not usually particularly hungry, but I have the sense that it is time to drink more juices. I'm probably not very good at guessing hunger as I have eaten for more other reasons than true hunger for most of my life.

I've been thinking alot about why I am juice feasting. I have been led through this journey little by little until I came to this point. I have no doubt I will continue this journey with juice feasting being a leg of it. I had been praying for something to help me get through a terrible fungal growth caused by eating a raw diet too high in fat. While I had struggled with these outbreaks during my SAD days, nothing was as terrible as the one which began 3 months into the 100% raw diet. I first thought it was a cleansing reaction, but when it didn't go away, I realized it was systemic. I spent a week at the Hippocrates institute to help support my son who was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was at its worst that week when the intake percentage of fats was even higher due to the fact that I quit taking in fruits (a common practice there). Nothing I tried would alleviate the symptoms, but I knew there was an answer out there.

I prayed and prayed and prayed and finally ran across a young man named Justin at an organic farmer's market on our way home from Hippocrates. He was eating lettuce off the head, so my husband asked if he was a raw fooder. He said in fact that he was, and they began talking. I didn't think much more about it (although here in Florida there aren't a lot of raw fooders), until the topic of my fungal growth came up, and I mentioned how it had actually gotten worse while doing raw foods.

He said he was not surprised. He asked what kind of diet I was on, and he introduced me to the 811 program by Dr. Doug Graham. What a revelation! I read the entire book on the way home and knew I had received the answer to my prayer. Except for one little thing. I was addicted to fat! When I realized this, I truly had made some headway. But how to break out of my addiction! That was another story. Nothing I did seemed to help including a couple of 2 day juice fasts. I was fine while juice fasting, but as soon as I started eating normally, I had to have my fat again. And the fungal growth would return. Ycch.

Again, I prayed to know how to resolve this issue. Well, you see here the result of that. I was listening to a radio broadcast by Nomi Shannon where David was a guest. I visited all the websites for all of the guests on the program that day. Juice feasting seemed so outrageous that I disregarded it. I can't remember when the aha moment actually happened, but a few days later, I hunted down their website and signed up for a 2 month membership. I read the literature available, and I knew this is where my journey was leading me. I was scared to death for some reason. It really did seem soooo crazy. How in the world would I pull it off? But I knew I needed to try.

How grateful I am for the power that is greater than myself which helps me wander through this life. I can't wait to see where it takes me next.

On the administrative side of me, this morning I made a log that better suits my needs. I like to divide it up into weeks, so I am into my second week now.

Day 10 revisited

Day 10 - Wow! Posted May 7, 2008

What a wonderful day! I cannot believe I am alive to experience all of the amazing things going on in my life.

I was blessed by some experiences with my granddaughter this morning. I was tending her, and she was bored because I was working. I reached a point where I could stop, and we went for a nice long walk. She loves to go for walk to look for wildflowers. She taught me a valuable lesson when she picked a flower she had not seen before, and after showing it to me, she turned back to the plant and said "Thank you." Her acknowledgement in the plant's participation in her joy was very touching to me. Later she didn't pick a particularly pretty flower because it was too pretty, and she was sure the plant would want to keep it a little longer.

My gift (besides all the others!) was that we found several pitcher plants. I had only seen these in books, so I found them very amazing in person. They were in flower which was interesting, and one had trapped an ant, so she delighted in freeing it even if it meant the plant would not be fed. The idea of a plant needing animal nutrition was a little counter-intuitive.

Then I had some time to listen to the day 10 video and David Wolfe's goal-setting video. This was very mind-boggling. I have written down some goals, but I think I will follow their advice and not liimit my goals to the "important ones" I would usually restrict myself to. I like their idea of a chart with all the types of goals cross-referenced to their level. I can't wait for the CANI (Constant and never-ending improvement) to begin (or should I say continue?).

How blessed we are to be on this journey. I am feeling well and strong so far. Detox is at a minimum, I think. This has opened up so many avenues to me that I feel very naive in the experiences I have had previously. I would never have imagined there were so many opportunities out there.

Days 8 & 9 revisited

Day 9 (+8) Posted May 6, 2008

I'm still pretty amazed that I'm doing this. I wonder when the reality will set in. The routine is still coming around, much easier, obviously on the days I'm at home. I'm thinking of doing the master cleanse on the days I can't be home to make the juice, but I know that means we don't get the greens in, so I'm not sure how to deal with that. I really don't like the idea of drinking old juice. It's been drilled into me for years and years how the enzymes deteriorate quickly once the flesh is compromised. I made 4 quarts the other day that I used for the rest of the day, and they tasted fine, but it was still in the back of my mind that they weren't as nutritious. Anyway, I have 80 some days to figure it out, right, David? Good thing!

I feel well. I had some sinus stuff going on the other day and today which surprised me. I used to have horrible sinus problems in my less nutritious days, but once I alleviated dairy and meat, I haven't had to deal with that. I haven't had a stuffy nose in years and years. So I was surprised when I couldn't stop sneezing and my nose kept running Sunday and today. It was definately cleansing as there was not yucky flu or cold-like symptoms to accompany them. Both sessions were about 3 hours long. I thought of hayfever, but I was in the city the first time, and at home in the country today, completely different allergens.

I am very pleased that my candida symptoms are non-existent finally. I have had problems with this sporadically over the years, but when I went raw last October, this became a very serious outbreak in December. I came to learn in January that it was due to the high fat content of my diet. I was eating a lot of salads, but had to have my dressings and avocados and nuts. Since the vegetables in the salads were so non-caloric, it really raised my fat percent over the top. One of the reason I decided to juice feast was because I felt the only way I could get over the fat addiction was through juice fasting (feasting). And, I am happy to say, that seems to be the case, finally. That has been one memorable struggle.

I lost 8 1/2 pounds my first week. I'm not quite sure what to make of that. It is very hard to lose fat, so I have to think it has to do with water retention, etc. I wish I knew more about the way fat unassembles itself in the body. I tried to google it, but all the explanations were over my head. if anyone knows that's reading, please let me know a good source.

Speaking of giving up the fat addiction, I was thinking about giving up those last little bits of comfort eating which can no longer be employed when one is juice fasting/feasting. I even did a blog entry on my other blog page on "Raw Emotions". Then when I listened to David and Katrina's Day 9 video, Angela Stokes was on there telling of a book she had written by that name. I wrote my blog about it after my husband and I had had a particularly tense day, and I realized we both really didn't know to deal with the naked emotions when we don't have our favorite tool for burying our feelings. We both have been not using our old junk food items, so it has been a struggle that came to a head that day. I think when we both realized that our pardigm is shifting, it was a little easier to deal with it, and try to see it coming. I began my juice feast a couple of days after that, so it has been on my mind a lot especially when I have junk food cravings. I won't say it is junk food craving as much as it comfort food cravings. I think I can honestly say now that my body wants those foods more to bury the emotional swings than it does to satisfy any physical need. So there you have it. I really had never known I was an emotional eater. I thought I just loved high fat foods.

I'm still working on a solution to that. I noticed at an AA meeting once several years ago that all the drunks had several other addictive substances they were using (coffee and tobacco) to help them get over the alcohol. I wonder how we become healthy enough emotionally not to need anything. I think this juice feast will help me discover the answer to that.

I want to say how much I enjoy the videos that David and Katrina make for each day. I don't really know why. Not too much new information. Maybe it just feels like I know there is a lifeline there.

Days 5, 6, & 7 revisited

Day 7 (+ 6 & 5) Posted on May 4, 2008

Such a busy weekend that none of my usual activities got done. I wasn't able to listen to the days 5, 6, & 7 from Katrina and David, and I couldn't report my own progress, but the good news is, I am about to finish up day 7.

I realized today what a breakthrough it was for me to realize subconsciously I did not believe I could do this. Once I realized I was thinking that, I was able to do some reprogramming.

I am having some funny things happen. My tongue is very sore, and my nose is really stuffy. Not much else yet, I don't think.

I am having green drinks every day, but I don't think I'm anywhere close to 2 lbs. I don't know how to drink that many. A giant box at Costco of spinach is only a pound. I don't know how I'd juice and drink 2 of those containers. I am juicing a whole bunch of celery too which would have seemed like an outlandish amount before this experience.

I also had master cleanser this morning for the first time (lemon juice, honey, water, cayenne), and it was surprisingly agreeable. I shall keep that in my repetoire. I was running too late to make "real juice".

I'm pretty beat from all the running this weekend, so I'm going to close this out, but I'm pretty excited to be starting my second week tomorrow.

Day 4 revisited

Day 4! Oh My!Posted on May 1, 2008

I simply cannot believe I am into this 4 days! When I started I had no idea I had so little faith in myself. As I have gone through each day I have realized that subconsciously I didn't think I could do it. i think that is rather odd. I also know that if we believe something subconsciously, it usually works itself out that way. So why am I still at it if my subconscious didn't think I would make it? I think it has to do with the global nature of this and the belief system changing as I hear of so many other juice feasters.

Of course, this all sounds silly compared to the whole 92 day aspect of it. 88 more days is a very long time. I like what David said on one of the earlier days about having plenty of time to get it right. Kind of puts it in a nice perspective.

I did get my lemon water this morning. Yay! Tongue scraping too. I also walked for at least 20 minutes outside, so I got both of those goals. It was such a beautiful day outside today, I couldn't wait until I could walk. We finally got out before sundown.

No time this morning to fix green juice, so I missed training my body. I guess it is a good thing I have 88 more days to get it right. I had my grapefruit juice with the tangerines that I have everyday. I knew I wouldn't be home to prepare juice, so I took lemon juice and honey and bottles of water. I was not even where there is a kitchen, so i had a cooler in my truck. I never got enough of a break to go drink it, so I just made another grapefruit juice when I finally got home. I added celery to it, a fennel sprig from the garden, and some pineapple. It made a quart and a half, so that was good since I was several hours behind schedule. I really am not very good at this scheduling thing.

After that juice I had some serious indigestion, so I'm not sure what that was about. It didn't get better until after the walk which I did about an hour after drinking the juice. Maybe I just needed to get things moving. Today was the first day with no bowel movement at the normal time(s). The walk helped with that.

I'm not really trying too hard to figure things out. I have learned over the years that I'm usually not right about what I'm guessing. What I do know is that I can trust my body, and even when things don't seem right, if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, my body will do what needs to be done. Eventually equilibrium will be attained.

I am very much enjoying the rest this feast is giving me. I only slept 4 hours last night but awakened refreshed. So while I am not resting in the traditional sense, I feel very unencumbered with something. Not sure what yet. I am working very hard, so I am not particularly relaxed. I just feel freer or something. Can't quite put my finger on it. I am also getting more work done which is a good thing this time of year.

I'm so excited about tomorrow! Did I mention it will be day 5????

Day 3 revisited

Posted on April 30, 2008

Officially the longest time i have ever gone without solid food. I've done lots of 2 day fasts, but I've never gone the distance (hahaha) before to make it to 3. How absurd that will sound in 89 days!!!!

Before I tell how today went, I have to write about an awesome juice I had last night after I had already blogged. I don't usually drink savory juices (as compared to sweet), so I wasn't sure if I would like it. It was ugly too, but delicious: tomatoes, a thin slice of onion, an orange pepper, and a few handfuls of spinach. Besides being very tasty, it had the added benefit of helping me get more greens down. That 2 lb deal is a bit of challenge for me.

I was amazed when I read in Mark's blog that he juiced 1 1/2 pounds of endive for one juice! I am definately not there yet. I thought I was doing great to get the whole bunch of celery into a juice...

Speaking of which, my morning juice was 3 apples, 1 lb blueberries, 1/2 lemon, 1 cuke, 1 bunch of celery hearts, and greens: spinach, spring mix, alfalfa sprouts, parsley.
This only made a quart of very thick juice, so I diluted it with water to make 2 quarts. Not too great, but the lemon got me through it.

I had one quart at breakfast and the other about dinner time. Lunch was the usual: 4 grapefruits, 3 tangerines.

I was working most of the day, so I haven't had my 4th juice, and it is very late, so I will probably not try to do it. I also forgot my water again this morning, but Roger said he'd help me remember it tomorrow. He's really good at stuff like that.

I work at home most of the time, so you'd think I could get my juices in better, but I'm not good at stopping in the middle of a project to make stuff.

I DID do my skin brushing, and I attempted the hot cold shower thing. I think I did 3 rounds. I do hate cold water!

I had a very weird experience while I was drinking my dinner juice (left over from the morning). I had tremendous feelings of doubt and wanted to give up. I kept thinking of all the reasons I'm doing this and how great I'm feeling, but it still took all my powers of persuasion to convince myself to stay with it. I just don't understand how I can be so committed one minute, and the next WHAMMO. I felt fine after a few minutes; I guess it lasted about 45 minutes. I did some deep breathing, and that helped.

I'm having a little detox thing going - itching like crazy. Hopefully that will be shortlived as well.
Looking forward to day 4.

Day two revisited

Posted April 29, 2008

Surprisingly uneventful. I keep waiting for something to happen. No hunger yet, but I have had cravings. My husband is watching to see how it goes before he begins a juice feast, so that salad he had today looked mighty good. And the bananas! I'm not even a big fan of bananas, but they sure looked good! I know some of you have mentioned them in your juices, but that sounds a little non-juicy to me. I don't like smoothies with bananas in them either, so that doesn't appeal to me.

Cleaned out the freezer today. I didn't realize it was so clogged up until I went to get some ice blocks to ice down my juice. I am excited for when the cleaning out my environment phase starts up.

I don't eat frozen food anymore, but I still have a standup freezer from my former life. I have a lot of frozen water blocks stored in there. I live in Florida, and since we have a well, whenever there is no electricity, we have no running water. During one of the hurricane seiges a few years back, ice was a big deal as people couldn't keep what perishables they could find cold without it, so when I stopped eating frozen foods, I decided to start freezing water.

Now, after all these months, life seems so much simpler. I'm not anxious to find out, but I can't help but think another seige like that would not be as hard on us. I am a little concerned about where we'd get fresh fruits and vegetables. We have planted a garden and have fruit trees that are still young and not producing yet. Of course, during a severe hurricane, there is no guarantee any of that would not be torn up and uprooted. Nevertheless, the less of a big deal food becomes, the less concerned I am about how I would get through it. Another thing that would be better is body temperature. In Florida, most of us live in air-conditioned environments. Since going raw, I am much better able to handle outside temperatures, even in a working environment.

I was very interested in reading about the master cleanser and the simplicity provided by it. I think David said one could live on it for an extended period of time. How much simpler could it be especially during a high stress emergency situation? One wouldn't need to be loaded down with foods that robbed you of energy when you are trying to get through a bad situation. Of course, authorities recommend the opposite: load up on so-called "comfort" foods. Not a good idea!

I am having a hard time juicing 4 quarts in the morning. It takes forever just to do one quart. I did 2 quarts this morning as I knew I had to go to a meeting and would want some juice before I could get back home. I kinda don't like the idea of drinking non-fresh juice. I don't know why. I suppose getting all 4 quarts done in the morning would help me drink it more as I only ended up with 3 1/2 quarts yesterday. I've gotten down 3 today, and it's late, but I will try to do another one when I finish this.

As I've gone through some of the juice feaster blogs, a common thread is getting into a routine. I know this will happen as I am a very routine driven person, but so far, not so much. Of course, that is a frustration for me.

Elimination has been good and no diarrhea as I expected. No other reactions either. I still feel a little overwhelmed by the whole 92 day thing. I am so grateful I started this when the rest of the feasters were already into it 60 days as it has helped me to see that it is possible to go the distance. Then I go read their early blogs and realize we all have similar things going on.

I went to bed earlier than usual last night as I was more tired than usual. I usually get by on 5 hours a night, but every once in a while I feel the need for more, so I'm unsure if the tiredness was one of my make-up days, or feast related. I woke up ealier than usual, but was too lazy to go ahead and get up.

Also lost 4 lbs of water weight when I weighed today. Maybe dehydration.

I'm not doing any of the recommended supplements. I'll go into that on a later day maybe. I fully intend to have my quart of water upon awakening, but I get up at 5:00, hurry to shower and dress so that I can get out the door by 5:30, and teach a class that starts at 6:15. I'm not disciplined enough to get up earlier yet, and because my ROUTINE previously never included grabbing a quart of water on my way out the door, I always remember after I get on the road that I forgot it. I will try to do better on that because I can feel that I am a little dehydrated in the morning.

I guess that's it for day 2. What a rush!

juice journal:

1. green juice with spring mix, spinach, alfalfa sprouts, (not the 2 lbs yet!), 1 head of celery, 1 cucumber, 1/2 a pineapple, and 1/2 a lemon.
2. 4 grapefruits and 2 tangerines
3. watermelon (1 qt's worth)
4. yet to be determined - spinach and something

New Direction Day One revisited

I mentioned a few days ago that I was a little frustrated keeping up two blogs. I have done a reasonable job keeping up my juice feast blog at the expense of this one, when all of a sudden it dawned on me that my blog there will only be there as long as I keep my subscription up. Should I decide at some point that I am ready to move on, my juice feast blog would disappear! What a shock. So I am going to have to figure out a way to log it in here I think since this blog is here to stay. I know my experiences with it are not those of others who might read this, but because it such an important part of my life, it is important to have it here.

I guess I will first post the first 14 days of my juice feast on this day, and then I will move on from there.

Day OnePosted by Cindi on April 28, 2008 at 3:53pm

Well, I have to say, this day has not been anything like I expected. I am not new to raw food (Sept. 2007), but I am surprisingly light-headed and forgetful today. My stomach is a little upset tonight. I did not expect detox symptoms. I went through a whole week at Hippocrates in December without anything.

I'm thinking this is because I am including fruit juice which is known for their cleansing capabilities. Of course, at Hippocrates, fruit is off limits. So, it is is a good thing to feel things happening in my gut.

I am surprised too at how "clean" it feels even though there is a coating on my teeth. They even hurt a little bit.

Juice one was a head of celery, 13 oz of mixed greens (alfalfa sprouts, spring mix, spinach, and parsley), one half a pineapple, one half a lemon, one cucumber. Not too tasty, at least at the beginning. It kind of grew on me as I drank it. I ran the greens through the omega and the pineapple and celery in the centrifugal juicer.

Juice two was one that I drink nearly every day: 4 grapefruits and 2 tangerines (prepared in a reamer).

Juice three was a quart of strawberries, red navels, tangerines, one lime, and a large handful of spinach. I juiced the citrus in a reamer, and did the blender / nut mylk bag thing with the rest of it. Tasty, but a quart of this is a lot of juice. It took me almost an hour to drink it. My tummy is still gurgling.

I find 2 lbs of greens to be very overwhelming. Before when I drank green drinks I would have a few leaves of kale, a couple of stalks of celery, a cucumber, some sprouts. I weighed my greens because when I looked at the huge container of spring mix and spinach (Costco carries these organic) and realized that was supposed to be for one day, I was pretty shocked. Even eating salads, this would easily last me a couple of days in my pre-juicefeast days. We have several parsley plants in the garden, but at 2 lbs. a day, this would be wiped out pretty quickly.

In fact, day 1 of a 92 day juice feast is freaking me out in general right about now. I don't see how anyone ever makes it that long. Not from a hunger point of view or anything like that. It is a lot of work and will be difficult on my busy days (today was not). I read Angela Stokes' booklet on juice feasting and particularly enjoyed the log of her 92 days, but I still find the concept overwhelming.

Well, I have to go figure out what my 4th quart of juice will be. Not really hungry.

All In A Day, Indeed!

I was trying to decide what to write in here when I decided I must have the most boring life ever. No one could possibly be interested in what I did today. I worked very hard, and the changes I am hoping to make in my life were coming along nicely. I didn't have time to do some things that are very important to me though, and that is frustrating to me. I don't know how to get the things done for myself that are important. I would like to be able to learn that. Soon.